500 Fridays Newsletter - 2.5 min read Season: The Springtime (11 of 11)

The Payoff of Doing Hard Things

Am I being too soft on them?
Am I being too hard on them?

I questioned my approach all the time as a dad when we were doing the daily work of raising our kids.

I know I worried more that I was too hard on them when they were younger and too soft on them as they grew older.

But I wanted them to be ready for real life. I hoped they'd develop some grit. I prayed they would be able to withstand the trials of life. I took it on as my job as their dad.

In case you didn't realize it... my wife is the fun one in our family.

I also know, as you do, that life isn't easy. So where does that leave parents like you? If hard things are a part of life, do you have a responsibility to equip your kids for what they will encounter someday? Absolutely you do.

Sure you can try to buff out the trials they may face or in some cases bulldoze right over them, but you're doing them a long-term disservice if you do.

Nothing brings out a host of challenges like the family pet or in our case, pets. Getting a new puppy is fun but hard. Daily walks, scooping poop and teaching young kids how to be responsible for the pet is good... but hard.

When we had to put our first dog down it was heartbreaking. She was old and sick but it was still hard.

It was the first time my kids had experienced a loss of that kind and it fell into the category of a hard part of life. There are all kinds of trials, challenges, and difficulties that your kids will face someday.

So what is it that involved and intentional parents should be doing? I think I can best summarize our family's approach this way...

Do Hard Things With Them

Your kids need your help with hard things. Sometimes they need you to pull them through it as you lead the way. Other times they need you to push them on ahead while you provide support.

Doing hard things with them is a must. It builds both your relationship and their character. A few hard things that we did together:

Yardwork
Long family hikes
Visit elderly friends
Teach them how to cook
Help them repair relationships
Give them chores and household responsibilities
Pack up and go visit your family who lives far away

Do Hard Things For Them

Your kids also need to see you taking on hard things in life. It's part of our privilege and burden as parents to care for our kids by dealing with the tough stuff of life.

Doing hard things for them is loving but not easy. They will be beyond thankful that you were willing to take on challenges because they will be the long-term beneficiaries from it. Some ways to do that are:

Get out of debt
Discipline your kids
Spend less than you earn
Go to marriage counseling
Apologize when you're wrong
Take care of your physical health​
Teach them they aren't the center of the world
Let them experience the consequences of their mistakes

I promise that the hard things pay off. I wish there was another way, but I haven't found it. Our world has both joy and pain and we are the conduits during the formative years of our kid's lives to help them learn about it.

See you next Friday,
Finley

500 Fridays ... book coming soon ​ Stories & Strategies To Help Parents of 3-13 Year Olds Make A Decade Count