500 Fridays Newsletter - 3.5 min read Season: The Springtime (9 of 11)

The Guilt

The summer schedule is descending, and power-decade parents everywhere are now caught in the emotional battle.

Yeah, for more time with kids, and Oh-No, for what to do with all the time with the kids. The increase in the amount of time together during the summer days brought out a lot of my head trash as a parent.

I was more afraid of the things we were getting wrong than what I might be doing right with my kids.

Are they a good friend or are they mean?
Are they being truthful or are they a liar?
Are they respectful towards other adults?

Will they grow up with a good work ethic?
Will they know how to stand up for themselves?
Will they wind up with all of my worst attributes?

I know that I shouldn't operate this way, but I'll admit that I internalize my kid's behaviors and choices as a reflection of my role as a dad. I've been working on it for years.

It is one of the easiest parent pitfalls we face and will trap you if you aren't careful.

When my oldest daughter didn't try hard enough on the soccer field, I took it personally and remember letting her have it. She was only 6. 😞

When we dragged my son kicking and screaming from the playground, I recall being embarrassed as other parents watched on. 🥴

When my youngest daughter refused to eat her dinner in front of our family, I felt a sense of failure, even though my mom says I did it too. 😐

The Grace

Raising kids, especially in the 3-13 season you are in, there are endless moments where you need to experience or give grace.

Here's the truth about your everyday life right now:

Days are long and nights are short.
Drops and spills happen all the time.
Temper tantrums occur in kids & parents.
The majority of your time is spent in a hurry.

After 2 decades of being a dad, the more I regret not practicing grace often enough at home. Here's what we learned through the struggle of it all:

• Grace-filled homes don't rely on fear or shame to motivate.
• Grace-filled homes leave room for imperfect and never finished.
• Grace-filled homes recognize that individual growth can take years.
• Grace-filled homes are not parent or child-centric but share the spotlight.
• Grace-filled homes don't ignore discipline but do it in a way that facilitates learning and change instead of retaliation.

If you need a visual to think about how grace is applied in your home, I suggest you grab the four-legged stool, tucked underneath your kitchen counter.

Think of practicing it like this: There are 4 types of relationships in most homes where giving grace can be transformational for your family.

Leg 1: Grace To Your Kids

It looks different in every season of their lives...

Spending extra time with your kids at bedtime is an act of grace. Extra screen time in the long summer or cold winter is an act of grace.

Choosing to be clear and kind, even when it's all melting down is an act of grace. Letting them choose their own mismatched clothes to experience some independence is an act of grace.

Leg 2: Grace Between Siblings

Let's just say this one is difficult, but ...

When they get into a fight, slowly teaching them to apologize and repair the relationship, practices grace.

Putting in a plan to rotate the best seat in the car helps your kids experience grace towards each other.

Facilitating times when your kids can make memories together brings grace into your home.

Leg 3: Grace With Your Spouse

This is often the toughest of all, but you can ...

Choose to be on the same team and overlook small offenses. Graciously carry the extra for a short period of time so that, combined, you are at 100% capacity.

Give grace to each other to model to your kids what it looks like for imperfect adults to love each other.

Leg 4: Grace For Yourself

Every single parenting season is brand new, so ...

Parents lose their cool often, and when you do, own it and repair the relationships. Don't expect to be able to extend grace to your kids if you can't show it to yourself, right?

Give grace because no one is keeping tabs on your performance or your ability to get it all right, except maybe your mother-in-law.

In Summary

Without one of the 4-Legs of Grace, your home will get wobbly fast.

But a family that habitually practices giving grace, makes it possible to have:

freedom to belong
freedom to be candid
freedom to be different
freedom to be vulnerable
freedom to make mistakes

See you next Friday,
Finley

500 Fridays ... book coming soon ​ Stories & Strategies To Help Parents of 3-13 Year Olds Make A Decade Count