500 Fridays Newsletter - 4 min read Season: The Long Summers (11 of 11)

The Building of Character

My girls loved to play dress up when they were little.

In our home, we have a wild room we call the "skit closet" and inside we keep a staggering amount of old play clothes.

We have costumes from when my mom was a young girl, dance outfits from my sister's era, and of course plenty of Disney dresses from when my girls were younger.

We have 3 generations of dress-up clothes in our closet and every sleepover or cousin party meant it was time to put on a show for the parents.

​We had plays where Rapunzel danced.
We witnessed recitals from Elsa & Anna.
We had show-stopping Taylor Swift sing-a-longs.

Dressing up into a different character is a right of passage and typical entertainment for young kids. Putting on a dress or wearing a crown, meant that my daughters could immediately transform into someone else and embody their characteristics.

If only it was that easy to form personal character in our kids.

There may not be a single and more significant undertaking than the time, energy, and investment you make in developing your kid's character. ​

Personal vs Pretend Character

"Playing a Character" is very different than possessing character.

Playing a Character:

• The change is external (ie. put on a costume).
• The moment is a performance for everyone to see.

Personal Character:

• The change is internal, becoming someone new.
• The moments requiring character often aren't seen by anyone.

So how do you form character into each of your kids? We found it helpful to focus on 1-2 deep character qualities per child each year.

... and back-to-school time is the perfect opportunity to start!

When you pick 1-2 specific areas of character you'll feel focused and clear enough to be able to reinforce it often. Some years you'll find yourself naturally in issues of integrity or needing empathy. Other times you'll be forced to develop boldness or goodness in them.

But, for this coming school year, why not pick 1-2 characteristics that you want to sink deep into each of your school-age children?

Here is a helpful process we followed:

Step 1: Identify what you want to see developed in each child.

​Step 2: Look through a list (with your spouse) and choose 1-2 that are a good match for this year.

​Step 3: Go out to eat or grab a snowcone with your son or daughter before the month is over. Explain your choice for their character qualities this year and why you hope to see it formed in them.

The rest is implementation and consistency!

You'll have more opportunities than you can imagine when you just start looking to reinforce your 1-2 character qualities per kid. Speak about that character quality often.

Name it.
Affirm it.
Demonstrate it.
Tell stories about it.

Write it in big bold letters somewhere in your living room or kitchen.

Remember ... this is not a pass-or-fail initiative. Parents play the long game.

I know you want to see your kids grow in their character, so make this school year about something specific. I promise you'll be amazed that it works.

The Background

Back when I was in college, my wife and I worked at Kanakuk Kamps for many summers. One of our jobs was to pick 2 character qualities (or CQs as we called them) for each kid in our cabin.

We'd stand in front of a group of parents and speak those out loud so everyone could hear. I always thought it was a great way to affirm and develop the kids as we sent them home.

I uncovered this old list and pieced it together for you today so you can pick 1-2 for each of your kids.

I have chosen 25 character qualities and shared them below. There are many more of course, but hopefully this will help you get started.

Character Quality Starter Pack

Attentiveness - Paying or giving attention, intent, observant.

Bravery - To encounter with courage and fortitude.

​Compassion - Sympathetic, desire to help others, kind hearted.

​Considerate - Regard for others’ circumstances or feelings.

​Contentment - Satisfaction with what one has or circumstances.

​Cooperative - To work or act together or as a group for a common goal.

​Dedicated - Given wholly to a purpose, goal or thing, devoted.

​Determined - Showing firm intentions, resolute, unwavering, firm.

​Diligence - Steady application, constant effort to accomplish something.

​Discerning - Discriminates between good & evil, judicious, perceptive.

​Fairness - Honest, open, frank, impartial or unbiased.

​Flexibility - Capable of being adapted or modified.

​Forgiveness - Inclined to overlook offenses, to cease to feel resentment.

​Gentleness - Kindly, mild, not severe.

​Gratefulness - Thankfulness of kindness shown or benefits received.

​Humility - Not proud or arrogant, modest and submissive to authority.

​Integrity - Unimpaired moral principles, honest, soundness, undivided.

​Joyfulness - Gladness, delight, causing satisfaction and happiness.

​Listener - To give close attention in order to hear, pay attention to.

​Meekness - Mild of temper, gentle, not easily provoked or irritated.

​Patience - Waiting with calmness, not hasty, calmly diligent.

​Respectfulness - Regard, high consideration and courtesy.

​Self-Control - Control of one’s actions or feelings.

​Self-Starter - Applies effort w/o instruction or directions from others.

​Sensitivity - Having feelings easily excited, readily and acutely affected.

​Trustworthy - Worthy of trust or confidence, reliable.

​Truthfulness - Conformity to fact or reality, honesty by nature.

See you next Friday,
Finley

500 Fridays ... book coming soon ​ Stories & Strategies To Help Parents of 3-13 Year Olds Make A Decade Count