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Family Friday Newsletter - 3.5 min read by: Finley Robinson

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A Single Sentence from a Season Ahead

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Going A Parent Down

The first 15 years of our marriage included 3 kids close together and quite a bit of travel for me as a dad.

I wasn't gone 50% of the time nor did I leave on Mondays only to return on Friday. It wasn't that severe. I would leave though, on several week long trips to Colorado, Tennessee, or Guatemala each year. On top of that, I was gone 3-4 long weekends on various trips with high school students too.

Leaving my wife at home with 3 small children to care for was hard on everyone, but she had it the worst by far.

The spouse who stays home has the biggest challenge of all. Even though traveling for work is a part of the American culture, it doesn't remove the sting of being the parent back home. There are so many needs of the family staring you in the face every hour of the day.

Even with older kids, I still feel the weight that is transferred to my wife when I'm gone. I know too what it's like when she leaves town and how much she does for our family.

It's tough going a man/woman down at home.

What we learned (and have a lot of battle scars to prove) is that you can turn the challenges of a parent leaving town into a positive outcome for the family. It just takes a few years to reap the reward!

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4 Rules For Leaving Town

One of the best ways you can support your husband or wife is by affirming all they are about to take on extra for the family.

Even though you won't be there to contribute physically during a challenging few days of young kid energy, your emotional acknowledgement speaks volumes.

Think about being a bookend of appreciation for your spouse. Before you leave and after you return. It doesn't matter if it's for a work trip, a guy's golf weekend, a girls getaway or a volunteer opportunity. Appreciation does go a long way.

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You support your spouse by speaking up for them directly to your children.

Sit down and look your kids in the eye and explain to them that you are leaving. Let them know you are going to miss them. Also, let them know what you expect of them while you are gone.

Since I was more of the heavy in our family, I knew that our kids would try to take advantage of dad being gone and try to squeeze more out of mom.

I would bring this up to my young kids and they would smile back at me. Set higher expectations of your kids when you leave. This supports your spouse and gives each child an opportunity to grow in maturity.

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You know what duties of the household will be forgotten when you leave. You know because it's the things you most often do at home.

Remind your kids that they need to pick up their toys because mom has more jobs this week. Assign them to unload the dishwasher every day because dad usually does that.

Using a travel trip to grow their responsibilities at home can seem like more work than it's worth. I promise you they are better off for it.

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Kids are smart. They know that a good pep talk can be totally meaningless once you walk out the door.

The key is sitting down with them to revisit the time you were gone. Better yet, FaceTime them while you're away and ask if they are doing what you have asked of them.

You can write it down and go over it with them or have them reflect back about how they treated your spouse and each other while you were away.

Following up with our kids shows them that the next time someone leaves it will be time to step up and serve the family again, not take full advantage of the situation.

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Bonus - A Father To His Son

For the dads here, I often used my travel as an opportunity to develop some manhood characteristics in my son. In our family of 5, there were two boys in our home.

Starting when he was young, I told my son directly that since dad was gone, he was the man of the house for the time being. He needed to serve his mom and sisters.

He was to look out for them and be a good listener. It was his time to show courage & strength if that's what was needed.

I remember talking about this with him when he was 5 years old. I wanted him to know that the girls in our family were special and as men we cared for them.

I remember the look of uncertainty in his eyes about what I was talking about but I also saw his willingness to be brave while I was gone.

In conclusion...

Big idea: Being a parent down at home is never ever easy. It is a unique opportunity though, to develop responsibility and grow maturity in the lives of your kids.

See you next Friday,
Finley

PS. If a particular Family Friday email hits just right, will you forward it along to a few other power-decade parents like yourself? It's always nice to add a few new readers every week because of your recommendation. Thanks!

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