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Family Friday Newsletter - 3 min read by Finley Robinson

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A Single Sentence from a Season Ahead

Our 5 Biggest Mistakes

Power-decade parents are very much slaves to the intense present of their current lives. On occasion, they pause and have some concern about their family's future too. It was no different for me and my wife when we were in your stage of parenting.

What you rarely have time for when raising kids in your stage is time to reflect back. That's something that doesn't arrive until your kids get their own car keys and you have more space.

I often wonder when I send this newsletter every Friday, if it sounds too much like the Robinsons got it all right. I hope you're intuitive enough to know that couldn't be further from the truth.

We lost it, blew it, forgot it, fumbled it, and messed it up weekly.

Right now with upper-age teenagers, it is less about our micro-decisions as parents. Now it's more about the choices our kids are making daily.

In your season though, you can often feel like you aren't doing much right.

That's why you get the normal parent platitudes of hang in there and you'll wish you could go back someday from other parents.

As I have had more reflection time though, I identified several things that have had lingering negative outcomes. Nothing is catastrophic but things I would do different if given the chance.

Being a parent is tough. The lagging indicators within kids come years later. Maybe these will offer a clear heading for you and your family.

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Mistake #1: Not getting into nature enough as a family.

We didn't neglect it altogether, but we should have taken more day trips to green places.

You think to yourself, I don't have time or I have too many projects today to get outside. Yes, chores and repairs are on your list, but we made the mistake of choosing home-base too often.

You don't have to do much for it to "count."
The age of wonder in a child's mind is a short one.
Hike. Bike. Camp. Fish. Explore. Romp. Trek. Discover.

We are a big sports family and so we spent a lot of weekends at ball fields, which was great. A few more in nature would have been preferred though.

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Mistake #2: Being too loose with their school work & study habits.

Both of my grandmothers were teachers. I was a firstborn child who liked to achieve and was good in school. My parents made school a priority and I obliged.

My wife's family of origin was the opposite (as those tend to attract in marriage). So we met in the middle with our family school expectations.

The goal isn't the grades, but the lifelong habits and personal growth from learning, reading, and deadlines.

Not a massive mistake on our part, but I wish we were 25% more buttoned up.

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Mistake #3: Not having a clear strategy for family chores.

I've always admired the chore chart families. I tried to become one, but it takes a full family buy in and we never got there.

I'm super proud of the work ethic in our kids. We've had them get jobs once they could drive.

There are numerous strategies to try. All-time dish duty. Weekly rotations. Daily assignments. Set day of the week.

We made the mistake of owning all the chore responsibilities and then dishing them out in moments of need.

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Mistake #4: Allowing comparison of families to develop and multiply.

This one is impossible to avoid, but I still hate that it happens. Comparison is a product of our culture but it can quickly sink your family and values.

A ski boat is naturally going to take on water as people pile in and out of the lake. Add to it the big wave potential to take on lots of water, and boats have a built-in bilge system to pump water out.

Taking on a little water happens, as long as it's dealt with and removed.

I wish we had talked about the dangers of entitlement and comparison more when kids were in their single digits. Instead, it became an urgent scramble in their middle school years.

Pump the comparison out of your life and your kids early and often.

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Mistake #5: Waiting till they were teenagers to go to counseling with my wife.

In the last 5-10 years in our culture, marriage counseling has made fantastic headway. It is now viewed and valued as more maintenance and preventative than a last resort.

When I saw that our conflict cycles were showing up and being repeated with our teenagers, I knew we were passing on pain and we didn't want to.

We should have gone at year 3, 7 or 10 and not waited till year 15.

​Take it from me... you're going to get a lot right and a lot you wish you did differently. Own it and as your kids get older tell them what you think you got wrong too. They need that vulnerability from you too.

Well, that's it for this Friday! Hope you'll share this with a friend.

Finley

PS. I have a life update to share below and a slight format change to this newsletter moving forward.

I've been told this countless times by friends and mentors in the past 10 years and so I'm finally choosing to do it. I started this newsletter as a way to contribute and hopefully impact other families who wanted to be intentional in raising their kids.

I've had people from all over my community stop me in the store or a restaurant and say they've been reading along. I've had people reply back from all over the country who started reading because a sibling forwarded it to them. I'm so grateful for any small contribution it's made to your family. It's possible I could support your family or business in another way too.

My full-time job is working as a financial advisor and if there is a way I could team up with you now or in the future, I'd love the opportunity to talk more.