Family Friday: Avoid The After School Eye Roll


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Fair warning ... we have waaaay more emojis than normal in today's newsletter. Sometimes, certain stories require a bit extra.

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So, How Was School Today?

You've likely asked your son or daughter that question at least once this week. It's possible you've asked it a lot more.

And 90% of the time you got the same response, a giant eye roll. πŸ™„

Somehow, this has become the default parent question when kids first hop in the car. You haven't seen them in 7 hours and you're dying to know everything!

It's time to reconnect, hear stories, engage in their life, learn about their friends, and find out all the good and the bad from their day.

You want to know everything. And that's why they roll their eyes.

I want to share a better alternative and then let you know why it's better.

It is amazing as parents that we repeat the very things that used to drive us crazy as kids.

You KNOW you hated being asked that question by your parents right?

You KNOW that all you wanted to do after school was not think anymore.

You KNOW your kids will open up eventually, but waiting is so hard.

It's tough to remember life as a kid in elementary or middle school. It was a really long time ago after all.

I crossed paths with my 11-year-old nephew the other day.

He was fully engaged in a show. I wanted to know how his day was at school, but I knew he wouldn't actually open up and talk with me about it.

So I gamified my question.

"Hey bud, tell me how was school today?"

Then I gave him three hand gestures to choose from:

Thumbs Up: πŸ‘πŸΌ
Thumbs Down: πŸ‘ŽπŸΌ
Thumb in the Middle: 🀚🏼 (going with this one b/c it's the closest I found)

He looked up from the TV, gave me the mid-thumb gesture 🀚🏼, and then went back to his show without saying a word.

"Cool, mid-day. Right on man," I responded. That was it.

To be honest, that was good enough. We'd connected enough for me to know that he'd had a mid-day. Better than a bad one for sure.

About 5 seconds later he looked up from the TV.

"Do you want to know why?" (well, of course I wanted to know!)

His two-word answer: "ACT Aspire."

And then we were off. We connected and were building even more.

  • He'd summed up his day with a gesture (enough).
  • He'd asked me a question to re-engage (bonus).
  • He'd shared more details to elaborate (upgrade).

Is this a foolproof plan, guaranteed to work on your kids every day? Of course not. But it's better, so much better, for you and for them. Here's why...

5 Reasons This Works

  1. Kids are done with thinking, so keep it simple. It's overwhelming for a kid to think through their entire day and pick out a place to start talking. Giving them three choices (πŸ‘πŸΌ 🀚🏼 πŸ‘ŽπŸΌ) makes it so much simpler on their tired mind.
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  2. Some connection is better than none. A single gesture communicates a lot more than you realize. It says way more than "fine" or "meh" or πŸ™„ which is the likely standard response.
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  3. Their choice gives an emotional kickstart. When they choose between three options: up, down, or mid ... you get an immediate sense of their day in relation to others. If you get a week's worth of πŸ‘ŽπŸΌ then you know something deeper is happening.
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  4. Gamification is great for kids (and adults). It provides a unique way for them to respond to questions by removing the complexity. It also gives quick rewards and easy feedback on their day. πŸ€“
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  5. Your response can match theirs. By allowing them to make the tiny first choice (πŸ‘πŸΌ 🀚🏼 πŸ‘ŽπŸΌ) you can immediately know what to bring next. You can share in their sad day, celebrate a good one, or do nothing. All are appropriate.

The best part is this same macro concept will work in countless moments...

Identify a routine challenge πŸ”„
Transform it into a kid-size game πŸ”€
Create small emotional connections ⬆️

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The Time Billionaire

​Sahil Bloom​

Time is our most precious asset. When you're young, you are literally a "time billionaire”—rich with time.

Too many people fail to realize the value of this asset until it is gone. Treat time as your ultimate currencyβ€”it’s all you have and you can never get it back.

It’s scary to look at the data on the short time we get with our children.

It peaks in your 30s and declines sharply thereafter.

Key lessons:

  • The "Magic Years" will fly by if you let them.
  • Be present in every moment.

Slow down and embrace the sweetness.

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The 3-Part Family Framework

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Power-Decade Parenting

Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.

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