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Family Friday Newsletter - 2.5 min read by: Finley Robinson

A Single Sentence from a Season Ahead

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Counting By States

As Spring Break travel is winding down for most families, I'm sure parents are exhausted from all the output that has been required.

Meals
Driving
Packing
Planning
Re-Packing
Adventuring

Family trips often reveal one of the most under-appreciated qualities kids need from you as a parent... being clear with them.

The reason clarity is so valuable to a child is that it provides them with connection and security.

To the mind of a child, being clear can be very simple.

Again, consider the family road trip. We took a lot of them with our kids over the years. We went on 3-hour trips, 6-hour trips, 12-hour trips, and a couple of 20-hour trips.

We traveled west to Colorado and Utah, and east to Tennessee and Georgia. Our most frequent and favorite trip though, was when we went south to Florida.

Every parent knows how their kids are when they travel. Time and boredom become villains. They ask the famous questions: "Are we there yet?" and "How much looooooonger?"

I wanted to be clear with our kids, but I didn't want to be a stopwatch either. So I invented a new method of road trip timekeeping that was kid-sized but still clear.

We counted by states. Our Florida trip would place us in 5 different states from start to finish. Counting down 13 hours is no fun.

Checking off 5 states is easier for a child to grasp. Every time we left a state was a celebration. We were one closer to Florida.

Be Clear To Be Kind

Each of your children benefits from clear parents in some way, no matter their age or personality. Whether it's on a family trip or whenever you are back in your routine at home, your kids crave clarity.

Kids have endless questions and concerns while life moves at a breakneck pace. Being clear with them every chance you get helps them feel safe and stable. Think about all the areas your kids crave clarity:

Clear praise
Clear feelings
Clear discipline
Clear timetables
Clear instructions
Clear expectations

When fighting for clear words, parents can feel exhausted but kids will feel protected.

My sister has a saying (that I'm sure she heard from Brené Brown or someone) that goes like this:

Here a 6 short reasons why choosing to be clear to your kids is kind:

1. It helps them deal with the anxiety of the unknown.
2. It invites them to share their thoughts and opinions.
3. It naturally puts your words into a proper tone to receive.
4. It includes them in the bigger picture of your life and family.
5. It forces you to pick helpful words, which requires slowing down.
6. It means you speak on an appropriate level for their age and stage.

How will you know if you're being clear? Usually, you can tell by the look on their face. Do they have a mental understanding of what you are saying or are they still confused?

They may have BIG positive or negative emotions next, which you then address. But being clear is your best foundation and place to start when talking through life with your kids.

This isn't about speaking from a place of power and authority. You are inviting them into your mind and your reasoning.

Be clear when you talk with your kids as often as you can.

• When you make your daily plans.
• When it's time to leave in 20 minutes.
• When you decide to eat at home vs going out.
• When you feel personally stressed, tell them why.
• When their behavior has been bad, be clear in what way.

Being clear is a kindness we give to kids, so deliver it often.

Do you struggle to be a clear parent with your kids? What gets in the way?

I'd love to hear so please feel free to write me back and let me know.

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