Hi there, it's Finley 👋🏼

Happy Friday to the 28 parents who joined this week.

Today's story takes 3 minutes to read.

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The Art of Connection

As a parent of teenagers, I can attest that our current stage of parenting has gotten a lot of bad press over the years.

"They don't need you any more." -- not true
"They hardly ever open up and talk about their lives." -- false
"They just want to be with their friends and not their family." -- nope
"They think you aren't cool." -- ok, kinda true

It is so easy as a parent to spend the majority of your time living above the emotional needs of your kids.

But connecting with your child's heart is your most important job.

They don't need your service or talents nearly as much as your understanding of who they truly are.

How does this happen on a consistent basis?

First, you have to slow down. Heart connections never happen as speed.

Train cars, space shuttles, and cruise ships don't dock at 100mph.

If you are a high speed family like ours, it can be challenging and unnatural. You might feel like you are wasting time or falling behind.

But remember, kids in your season don't want life to go by at a rapid pace. They want to feel safe and secure more than anything else.

Next, listen and learn their unique ways of connecting with you.

My oldest daughter is super active today and our most social. When she was little she wanted to go wherever we did.

Shopping, to a party, out to eat. It didn't matter what we did. She just never wanted to be alone.

My son is our most fun loving. He wanted parks and games on the trampoline and Lego Star Wars on the Wii as a way to be with us.

My youngest daughter is creative and caring. As our third child, she wanted individual time because she rarely got it.

Reading a book in bed or getting ice cream with only her was how she felt loved and listened to by us.

Finally, look for ways to be real and vulnerable with them from an early age. We all know as adults that life is challenging and hard at times.

Share your struggles with your kids. If you had a hard day at work, let them know. Don't use it as an excuse to disengage but rather as an opportunity to connect with them.

If something has hurt you or made you sad, tell them why. Create a culture of openness by sharing emotions in your family and I promise you that will remain through the teenage years and beyond.

Young kids view their parents as finished products. Remind them we are still very much a work in progress.

Slow down.
Listen and Learn.
Be real and vulnerable.

Connecting with your child's heart is your most important job.

It pays the biggest dividends year after year in your relationship with them.

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Beware of Candle Blower Outers

​Brené Brown​

"One of the things that we talk about a lot in our family with our kids, starting in 3rd or 4th grade, is 'candle blower outers.'

We always say, you have this flame. This is your spirit, your soul, this is your light.

Sometimes it will shine really really bright.

You want to surround yourself with people, when it is shining really bright to think, 'Wow, what a beautiful light.'

Also, you want to be the type of person, when your friend's light is shining, you say, 'Man, that's a great light."

And you want friends who protect your light.

We don't want to surround ourselves with candle blower outers.

We want friends who have room in their life for our light.

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