Hi there, it's Finley 👋🏼

Happy Friday to 17 new parents this week.

Today's story takes 2 minutes to read.

I've really enjoyed writing for the past 2 months and love that you can always revisit some of the past ideas here anytime you'd like.

Trips vs. Vacations

I'll admit that I have unrealistic expectations when we spend time together as a full family.

It happens in small doses when we eat dinner, have local fun days or even when have work projects we do together.

But if I have abnormal sized dreams on a regular Thursday night, they are exponentially higher when we go on a family vacation.

I have been accused by my wife of being too much like Jack Pearson (This Is Us), romanticizing our family time on an unhealthy level.

What's wrong though with wanting everyone to get along, be grateful for the experience, tell great stories at each meal, take beautiful pictures, not be in a rush and have a group hug at the end of each day?

That's reasonable, right?

About 10 years ago, someone shared a simple idea with me that has been helpful in framing my family experiences. Here it is:

As a parent, you need to have different expectations for
your trips vs your vacations.

This past week I was texting my sister about her current trip to Colorado with her husband and three kids.

She said, "Maybe we aren't 12 hour people. I think we are 2 hour trip people... parenting is freaking hard."

At the same time I've been texting one of my best friends who's taking a vacation to Nashville with his wife and another couple friend.

They've eaten at incredible restaurants and gone to several great shows.

Acknowledging what type of family experience you are dialing up is important, especially in your season of parenting.

I wish that when my kids were younger I had been ok with family trips that centered more around their pace and lowered my expectations about how unique or special every moment needed to be.

A family trip is often more about doing life in the same way, but in a different location and hopefully with a special twist.

Your days might look a lot like they do at home, only with different scenery.

A vacation is a recharge for you as a parent. You call the shots. You get to try new things. Your time is spent doing whatever you dream up!

A new favorite Twitter follow of mine, Tyler, phrased it this way & even took it a step further...

That may not be reasonable for you and your family coming home, but managing your expectations as you head out should be.

It's ok to dream big this summer and have great experiences as a family, but don't ruin it like I did so often.

I get stressed because I want to make it all as I picture it in my head.

Enjoy your kids. Let me have their highs & lows.

Tears will still happen, even for the parents sometimes too.

Know that if you're going on a trip, you will still be serving your family, making decisions and navigating a lot.

Another time, take a vacation for yourself, because you're gonna need it!

Fights worth picking with your kids

We have to choose our battles as parents.

​David Morris shared 8 fights worth picking and I'm choosing 2 for this week.

The "Me First" Fight:

Make your kids go last. Not every time for everything.

But enough to remember that the world doesn't revolve around them.

If left on their own, most kids will elevate themselves above all others.

First in line. The biggest piece. Me. Me. Me.

You must periodically make your kids...

Go last in line. Take the smallest piece. Give up the remote. Do someone else's chores. Get their least favorite choice.

They won't like it, but they need it.

The "Reading" Fight:

Make your kids read.

Of my four kids, one was a natural reader who always had a book in his hands. For the others, it was a fight.

But it's a fight worth picking, because reading is tied to everything from cognitive development to the ability to focus.

My wife teaches ACT prep and works with students on college admissions.

Of all the tips, tricks, and hacks she can provide, there's one thing she says she can't overcome ⏤ A kid who didn't read.

Make your kids read now. They'll thank you later.

That's all for today's writing of Parenting: what we've learned (so far)

If any of this was engaging or you had a small take away,
it always helps when parents share with others.

​Here is a link to this page on the web you could copy & share​