Hi there, it's Finley 👋🏼 and Happy Friday.
Today's story takes 1 minute to read.
When our kids were young, my wife and I found ourselves making the same mistake day after day.
The only thing that seemed to matter at the end of each day was if we "survived" or not.
We had 3 kids, four and under, and most every day felt like a tug of war. Our lives vs their needs.
As our kids got older, what they needed evolved but our way of measuring each day did not.
Sadly, as we crawled into bed most nights our measuring stick for the day came down to one thing only, did we survive?
Find a more stable way to measure
There is a problem with the "did we survive" approach.
I'm not trying to invalidate it or condemn you if that's where you find yourself often. I'm saying that it's wildly unstable is all.
A full balloon only needs a tiny hole to deflate.
One simple microscopic hole can be the difference between a balloon residing at the top of the ceiling and falling to the floor over time.
Measuring for survival leaves little room for the hundreds of tiny things that are outside of our control.
Good Parents Need Hope & Confirmation
Many days, positives can be in short supply as a mom or dad.
That is parenting, full stop.
But hope in who are kids are becoming and confirmation that we are doing anything right is what keeps us going.
The "did we survive" way of measuring each day focuses on all the things that didn't go well. It focuses on the negatives.
A temper tantrum.
A sibling fight.
A forgotten backpack.
A refusal to finish dinner.
All tiny holes that deflate the daily balloon.
If you measure instead with what you bring in to the lives of your kids over weeks and months, your hope and days will be fuller.
Your value and impact as a mom or dad isn't defined by how hard you work for your kids. Not at all.
But your words, care, discipline, hugs, jokes, prayers, high-fives, stories, corrections and affirmations bring so much more to your home than you can truly measure.
Stop measuring days. Craft moments. Celebrate weeks. Reflect on months.
Days are hard.
When you slowly move further away from the daily "did we survive" you will find yourself in a more enriching emotional place.
Ok, good pep talk. Time to go survive the weekend.
"Your kids might grumble and complain about the rhythms you have set in place in your home. But what might feel boring or monotonous to them now, will later translate to a sense of belonging. So, keep those rhythms going! They may not be perfect, but they are yours."