Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
Family Friday: Maybe we shouldn't lock our doors?
Hi there, it's Finley 👋🏼
Happy Friday to 13 new parents who joined this week.
Today's story takes 2 minutes to read and you can share it here.
Most everyone wants to be "that house" someday.
Having a family culture where your teenage kids want to bring their friends over to hang out is easier said than done.
Most (but not all) of my friends that I talk to want their house to be a place where kids show up after ball games or spend the night.
It potentially comes from the personal nostalgia that we all feel about our years as a teenager. There's also a little bit of parental pride that our kids are allowing us to be in the presence of their friends.
The truth is, the foundation for becoming "that house" starts long before you have a 14-18 year old.
It starts in your season now and more importantly is modeled repetitively for years.
If you were to come to our house any time from about 7am till midnight any day of the week, every outside door is unlocked.
I don't think it is that significant but rather more symbolic for us and maybe a bit strange to you.
Once we get up every day, our doors are open. Whomever stops by is welcome to come in. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't.
But our doors are always open and we explicitly told this to our kids.
We wanted to be an open door family because we believed that our kids would be better for it in the long run.
We've had families in transition stay with us for a few weeks and we had college friends from out of town bring their kids and pile in for a weekend.
When I reflect back, I've forgotten the effort it took at the time but I do remember the moments we shared with those people.
I should warn you though, being an open door family is costly.
It will cost you time that you don't think you have to spare.
You will spend significantly more money on food than you might want.
It requires energy cleaning your home before and after.
You will watch your pride take a hit when everything isn't as perfect or smooth as you might like.
But the payoff is significant.
You and your family will be richer in relationships and your kids will know that their home is a welcoming one.
That's all it truly takes to become "that house" someday, but it starts now.
Showing your kids that your home is open to others when they are 5 will normalize it when they are 15.
Having a family that makes extra food when they are 7 shows them you'll feed their friends when they are 17.
Being ok with messes at 8 means the sugar filled nights of 13 year old sleepovers are possible.
Opening your home to other adults, college kids or neighbors gives them early exposure to becoming "that house" someday later.
Trust me, there is a lot of joy in hearing the laughs and seeing the parked cars outside your house someday.
Repairing the Relationship
Failing as a parent is inevitable. Everyone does.
You lose your cool. You overreact. You say things you regret.
So few parents take the time to repair it.
A few words of genuine apology from a parent can undo so many wrongs.
It models humility.
That's all for today's writing of Parenting: What we've learned (so far)
If you had a small take away or any of this was engaging,
would you consider sharing it with other parents in your community?
Here is a public link to all the emails sent so far
We'll visit again next Friday - Finley
Power-Decade Parenting
Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
Family Friday Newsletter - 4 min read by: Finley Robinson A Single Sentence from a Season Ahead Your kids need help with hard things; sometimes you do things with them and sometimes you do things for them. Between Generations Trips, Vacations, and Visits… When I was young, my family traveled across the state every summer to visit my parents hometown in the Delta. My parents were high school sweethearts and so I had two sets of grandparents in the same small Arkansas town. Every visit required...
Family Friday Newsletter - 2 min read by: Finley Robinson A Single Sentence from a Season Ahead Repeated powerful words carry enormous weight during the power-decade of parenting. The Habit of Helping There is a very specific noise that I hear occasionally in my house. Imagine what a tornado would sound like, except it comes from inside the house instead of outside. The sound combination is part human and part industrial. It is a mixture of grunting and slight-slamming. We call it...
Family Friday Newsletter - 3.5 min read by: Finley Robinson A Single Sentence from a Season Ahead Showing up as a parent, even for half-credit, secretly gets the whole effect you were hoping for. Build Their Confidence At various times during our power-decade of parenting, my wife or I said one of the following statements to our kids. Somewhere between 3-13, our kids heard us say these and dozens of other statements a lot like it... "Hey, sweetie, I want you to go to the window and order the...