Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
Family Friday: My Favorite Parenting Framework, Pt. 1
My Favorite Parenting Framework ๐จI've written about the Win-Coach-Release Framework before but wanted to revisit it, this time by starting with the end in mind. The next 3 weeks will all build together as a series.
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*Content Note... once we reach the end of November, I will take a break from sharing these emails for December to give a little inbox relief for the Holidays.
Win-Coach-RELEASE ๐There is a day in your future that is lurking. It is a day that holds both promise and pain for you as a parent. This day presents a one-way door that once your family walks through it, you'll never turn around and return back to how things used to be. My family arrived on this day recently. For some families, this is only a 16-year wait. Or, depending on your kid count, it can take over 25-30 years to arrive. So what is this day that lurks for all parents? It is the day your youngest child passes their road driver's test. It marks a new chapter in the story your family is writing together. Sure it's a big deal when your oldest child can drive, but when your youngest can drive... the entire family equation changes. There is a lot of parental pleasure...
It also holds some potential pain...
But this is the parent's path. You will raise kids who leave home. This stage may seem extremely far off for you right now or it may be dawning on you how close it really is. Either way, it's in your future. When my oldest daughter turned 16, my wife and I embraced a new vision for our family: We want to raise kids who still love home when they leave.
Arrows ๐นOne of my favorite mental images for parenting comes from an old wise man named Solomon, shared in the Bible in Psalm 127. It paints the picture of parents as determined archers and our children as formative arrows. "Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth." The mental image it creates, of course, is that one day your children will be They will be released from the daily input, guidance, and protection you've provided. Once an arrow is released, it speeds away from you rapidly in the direction it was pointed. No matter whether today you have a 1 and 3-year-old or a 13 and 15-year-old, you are going to send them off. They will be released with all the connection and coaching that you provided up to that point. They Will Leave ๐It is scary to release our kids, both for us and for them. We are just in the infancy of this stage of parenting and despite my best efforts, there are so many things I haven't prepared my kids for yet. When you release your kids they will be ready for a lot, but not everything. Some lessons can only be learned in real-time, under real urgency. When you have coached them (more on that next week) from a place of heart connection (coming in 2 weeks) the release feels less like a speeding bullet and more like a floating balloon. Prepare them to be self-sufficient. But also give them the gift of knowing they have parents in their corner. It is a family privilege that your kids will cherish someday. During the tantrum years, the teenage drama, and the endless days of summer break, I know you long for the days when they will be out from under your feet. That day will come. But, you'll be surprised when it does. The truth is, the release is much closer to the age of 16 when they are driving than 18 when they are leaving. So with the end in mind, count backward from their 16th birthday and see far away you are from Week 832: she got her driver's license.โ Knowing your child is leaving someday helps shape how you spend your today with them. โSee you next Friday, |
Power-Decade Parenting
Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
500 Fridays Newsletter - 2.5 min read Season: The Cold Days (7 of 12) Parents Understand Tough Love A while back, a viral video from TikTok made its way to my FYP (my kids tell me that means For You Page) and it stopped me cold. It was of a first-time mother horse and her foal. I had no idea how powerful and deep her maternal instincts were and it was the perfect example of how parents understand tough love. In the video, the mother is gently pushing her young foal toward the electric fence....
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500 Fridays Newsletter - 3.5 min read Season: The Cold Days (5 of 12) Hot & Cold It has been a cold, snowy week in my part of the country. Translation: kids have been home from school and out of routine way too long. I've sent a lot of texts to my friends with kids in your 3-13 season, checking in on them. These cold and dark weeks turn hot with tension at home. The house is a wreck.The kids are bored & hungry.The work responsibilities are delayed.The parental patience is at an all-time low....