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Look Back: Here are the effective parent's 4 rules for raising confident kids.​

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Why Backyard Moments Are Romantic

How often do you feel guilt as a parent? Somedays I wonder if parents in the 50s felt a similar guilt to what parents feel today.

They probably did, but I still wonder.

It's so easy to get lost in the "never enough" struggle of comparing time.

Do you fall into the trap of counting your screen time and comparing it to the amount of time you spent tossing a ball or working on a puzzle?

Do you worry that the laundry, meals, dishes, bills, projects, and late-night emails are stripping you of those "backyard moments?"

Can I offer you some freedom? Get rid of the scale.

When my wife and I spend time with couples who have hired us as health coaches, one of our first recommendations is to put the scale away.

It may be helpful to know your starting weight because one day having a progress point will be helpful.

However, the scale can quickly become the villain.

Instead, we try to help them focus on creating awareness and a new way to sustain a healthy life.

When you compare time spent (ie. 'the scale') in your different functions as a mom or dad, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of parental guilt.

We all know that our phones take away our attention from the kids on a daily basis, but achieving an equal time balance is never going to happen.

• The scale only amplifies guilt.

• The scale isn't how kids see the world.

• The scale causes you to miss the big picture.

• The scale removes joy and replaces it with numbers, bleh.

I don't know of a single parent who hasn't struggled with the scale. I know I have and I still do.

The pressure you feel as a parent, for everything you must carry and accomplish, is real.

The pursuit of moments, though, that is what we should optimize for.

I can say... those backyard moments get easier as your kids age, even every 12 months.

Their attention span gets longer. Your interests are more aligned. They can carry on a conversation for more than 2 minutes.

But the moments happen less often. They are busy.

When your kids are three or five or eight, the temptation can be to only wait for the big moments, the all-day stuff.

Vacations and theme parks and day hikes are all great.

So is 20 minutes on a trampoline.
So is a chapter in the book you are reading together.
So is a quick bike ride around the block.
So is a really long hug.

Kids don't count volume or see the scale the way parents do.

Kids will always want more of you because that is what it means to be a kid.

Throw away the scale that you are using to weigh out your "did I do enough of [fill in the blank] today?"

Kids will always want all of your time and then some. They will adjust as life moves around them.

I'm not creating an excuse for being a daily absentee parent, no.

I am saying that the moments I remember the most and the ones my kids still talk about are the small backyard moments, no matter how little time they took.

• Playing go fish or spoons and seeing them get competitive like their dad.

• Playing some dumb game I invented on the trampoline with my ring.

• Playing Lego Star Wars on the Wii, all six episodes.

• Playing ball in the front yard, even when they got tired after 10 minutes.

The scale is only going to rob your joy and heap guilt upon your head. Somedays I wanted more time with my kids and they were over Dad's games. The scale is always unkind.

There is a reason that movies romanticize the puzzle around the fire and playing catch in the backyard. They are the small ones that add up.

I didn't realize it at the time because of the arguing or the cries of unfairness between my kids. The 20 min here or the 40 min there, they stick. Both for you and for them.

When you stop looking at the hours of cooking, cleaning or scrolling and accept the few backyard moments as enough, you'll be the free parent you hope to be.

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Include your kids in decision making

​Parent Cue Team​

"Want to raise a kid who can confidently speak for themselves when they are not at home?

Give them a chance to weigh in on some things inside your four walls.

The responsibility of making decisions can go a long way toward their ability to believe in themselves.

The good news? This works in any phase!"

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