Family Friday Newsletter - 3.5 min read by: Finley Robinson

A Single Sentence from a Season Ahead

When Fear Crashes Down

There is one common emotion that every parent feels and it never goes away. From the moment you find out you are going to be a mom or dad, it walks in your front door and never leaves.

That emotion is fear.

Croup. Broken bones. Car wrecks. Bike crashes. Rogue waves. We've had a lot of scary moments in our family over the years but one day stands apart from the rest.

During the summer of 2017, our family took the trip of a lifetime, spending two weeks in Maui together. Our kids were 13, 12, and 9.

They were the perfect age to push the adventure meter high. They were old enough to accomplish a lot but young enough to make every experience feel like a huge one.

We'd had several days of chasing waterfalls, snorkeling, and surfing. We were growing more comfortable with the sneaky power of Hawaii and let our guard down too much.

We were out on an adventure day and decided to hike down to the Olivine Pools along the northern Maui coast. We paused at a sign that gave us a clear warning about the potential dangers but didn't take it seriously.

After some time, my kids started climbing around on the volcanic rock that overlooked the ocean. We gave them a small warning to be careful.

What we didn't know was that a large wave had been gathering power behind them. Next, it would slam into the rock they were playing on.

I wasn't looking when all of a sudden water came pouring over the top of the rock surface and knocked all my kids over.

My son was old enough and strong enough to catch his balance, but my youngest daughter was knocked off her feet. She started sliding down the volcanic rock on her stomach getting severe cuts all along her body. Thankfully, my son grabbed her and kept her from falling off the rocks causing further injury.

There were gasps, cuts, tears, apologies, and a long hike out carrying our bleeding daughter.

As the wave knocked our kids over we were scared on the deepest level as parents. Our fear was as big as the wave. We felt like failures. We should have protected our kids. They were counting on us.

Healthy vs Unhealthy Fear

When I talk to young parents around town, I've started taking notes and fear seems to be a top 3 emotion in every conversation.

Every parent experiences fear differently, but where is the line between pushing and protecting? How do parents navigate the overwhelming fears we feel deep down and the small daily concerns that are less catastrophic?

Here are 3 steps that we learned as a family about navigating healthy and unhealthy fear as a family:

- Accept - Verbalize - Dethrone -

Sharp corners. Running with scissors. Crossing streets. Mean girls. Internet browsers. Left turns in traffic.

We know that our kids need our protection and years of life experience. However, some parents are more prone to fear-driven parenting than others.

Fear comes from a place of love for your kids but don't allow it to force you into surrounding them with bubble wrap every day. While it could be your intention to prevent all the catastrophes, you may do more harm than good.

Kindergartners miss more school days per year than any other grade because of the viruses they catch. Those small sicknesses early on help keep them in school long term.

Sharing your fears as a parent helps to reduce their hold on your life.

Trusted people will listen to your heart and thoughts. Sometimes their occasional wisdom might talk you off the ledge. It's easy to lose sight of the long-term big picture when you are too caught up in the prevention of pain.

Placing your fears into a reasonable hierarchy can help too.

Everything shouldn't be a Tier 1 concern as a parent. Verbalize your fears in an age-appropriate way with your kids. No matter if it's big or small, fear loses power when we talk about it.

Parenting is a privileged burden. Unfortunately, you aren't waking up with the superhero powers that you'd like to have today.

As much love as you have for your kids, you can't protect them from everything that haunts you.

I have a saying that I share with new dads: "You need to spend years of your life on your knees, both playing and praying."

As a man of faith, I believe parents ultimately have to trust God with all the moments and situations that are outside of our control.

If you need a place to verbalize your fears and concerns feel free to reply back and let me know.

See you next Friday,
Finley