Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
500 Fridays: My Favorite Parenting Framework Part 3
Win - Coach - Release 📈There is a day in your future that is lurking. It is a day that holds both promise and pain for you as a parent. This day presents a one-way door that once your family walks through it, you'll never turn around and return back to how things used to be. My family arrived on this day recently. For some families, this is only a 16-year wait. Or, depending on your kid count, it can take over 25-30 years to arrive. So what is this day that lurks for all parents? It is the day your youngest child passes their road driver's test. It marks a new chapter in the story your family is writing together. Sure it's a big deal when your oldest child can drive, but when your youngest can drive... the entire family equation changes. There is a lot of parental pleasure...
It also holds some potential pain...
But this is the parent's path. You will raise kids who leave home. This stage may seem extremely far off for you right now or it may be dawning on you how close it really is. Either way, it's in your future. When my oldest daughter turned 16, my wife and I embraced a new vision for our family: We want to raise kids who still love home when they leave. Arrows 🏹One of my favorite mental images for parenting comes from an old wise man named Solomon, shared in the Bible in Psalm 127. It paints the picture of parents as determined archers and our children as formative arrows. "Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth." The mental image it creates, of course, is that one day your children will be They will be released from the daily input, guidance, and protection you've provided. Once an arrow is released, it speeds away from you rapidly in the direction it was pointed. No matter whether today you have a 1 and 3-year-old or a 13 and 15-year-old, you are going to send them off. They will be released with all the connection and coaching that you provided up to that point. They Will Leave 🎈It is scary to release our kids, both for us and for them. We are just in the infancy of this stage of parenting and despite my best efforts, there are so many things I haven't prepared my kids for yet. When you release your kids they will be ready for a lot, but not everything. Some lessons can only be learned in real-time, under real urgency. When you have coached them from a place of heart connection, the release feels less like a speeding bullet and more like a floating balloon. Prepare them to be self-sufficient. But also give them the gift of knowing they have parents in their corner. It is a family privilege that your kids will cherish someday. During the tantrum years, the teenage drama, and the endless days of summer break, I know you long for the days when they will be out from under your feet. That day will come. But, you'll be surprised when it does. The truth is, the release is much closer to the age of 16 when they are driving than 18 when they are leaving. So with the end in mind, count backward from their 16th birthday and see far away you are from it. Knowing your child is leaving someday helps shape how you spend your today with them. Win-Coach-Release: SummaryThe earliest years are marked by winning their heart. This happens when you physically spend time with them on your knees in their small world. The middle years are shaped by coaching their heart. It happens first by listening with your ears and then by speaking encouragement and correction with your mouth. The final years are determined by releasing their heart. When you place your faith in them and allow them to test their abilities and decisions in the real world. See you next Friday, |
Power-Decade Parenting
Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
500 Fridays Newsletter - 2 min read Season: The Full Fall (9 of 12) Win - Coach - Release 🎯 Bill Moore.Ron Brewer.Gus Malzahn. These are the names of 3 of the best coaches I ever had during my junior high and high school days. I played a variety of sports for 15 years and had a lot of coaches, but these men stand head and shoulders above the rest. When I think about all three of those men, they each shared several things in common. I left my time on their team exponentially better than when I...
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500 Fridays Newsletter - 2.5 min read Season: The Full Fall (7 of 12) After School Eye Roll “So, How Was School Today?” You've likely asked your son or daughter that question at least once this week. You may have asked it a lot more. My guess is you got the same response as I always do. In fact, 90% of the time you get a giant eye roll, right? 🙄 Somehow, this has become the default parent question when kids first hop in the car. You haven't seen them in 7 hours and you're dying to know...