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500 Fridays Newsletter - 2.5 min read Season: The Cold Days (7 of 12)

Parents Understand Tough Love

A while back, a viral video from TikTok made its way to my FYP (my kids tell me that means For You Page) and it stopped me cold.

It was of a first-time mother horse and her foal.

I had no idea how powerful and deep her maternal instincts were and it was the perfect example of how parents understand tough love.

In the video, the mother is gently pushing her young foal toward the electric fence. Meanwhile, the owners are standing close by filming and watching the mare be a mom.

She nudged the foal towards it.
She gently pushed the foal closer in.
She got underneath and pressed the foal forward.

The mom was actively pushing her child towards a live wire that would cause her shock, discomfort, and pain. Why?

Was she doing it with force or aggression? Nope, she was careful.
Was she trying to inflict harm? Of course not.
Was she punishing her baby? Not at all.

She was helping her foal learn a necessary future lesson.

Being a horse on that farm meant that there was total freedom inside the fence. However, the foal would someday want more, so there was a limit that needed to be taught.

That's what parents do for their kids. We teach from our pool of experience and wisdom. We know it's better to learn earlier than later.

These moments will be uncomfortable for your kids. They will also be uncomfortable for you too.

Good & Brave Parents Push

You can see past your kid's current POV, and while they won't like it or expect it, they still need your push into the fence at times.

They need grit.
They need structure.
They need boundaries.
They need kind lessons.
They need accountability.
They need discovery situations.
They need age-appropriate failure.

Until one day, they've accumulated enough fundamental lessons they can safely learn on their own.

The Outcomes > The Alternative

It hurts to push your kids into challenges, but life is full of them. It is hard to put a child in time-out, but if you don't they won't understand that their actions have consequences.

Taking kids into big adult settings (church, weddings, baby showers, full airplanes, nice restaurants) is difficult. They need it though because they will learn from it, so take more situational risks.

The alternative is to either a) shield them from the electric fences or b) let them learn without you by their side.

See the Future for Them

How would you like for the following to be mostly true for your kids? (I say mostly because everyone is always a work in progress).

3yr old: not hitting others
5yr old: using good manners
7yr old: obeying the first time
9yr old: not talking back
11yr old: telling the truth
13yr old: showing self-control
15yr old: displaying true gratitude
17yr old: demonstrating worth ethic

If the odd years are the hopeful result, then the even years are the painstaking push. I can promise you that your kids won't learn the best lessons if you don't help them.

Being a mom or dad feels like 2 steps forward and then 5 steps back. It felt like that for a decade for us. One day though you'll wake up and realize they've taken 20 steps at once. You'll know it was worth it.

​Don't measure the backward steps. Focus on the forward.

Your kids can't see what they need but keep nudging, gently pushing, and ushering them forward. If it's not uncomfortable for you both at times, then you need to show some more tough love.

That is how you warn them, love them, and prepare them.

See You Next Friday - Finley

500 Fridays ... book coming soon ​ Stories & Strategies To Help Parents of 3-13 Year Olds Make A Decade Count

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