500 Fridays Newsletter - 2 min read Season: The Springtime (3 of 11)

Your Best At Their Worst

For my oldest it was 3rd.
For my youngest it was 6th.
For my middle child, it was 5th.

Personally, I think my middle had it the worst.

Given enough time at school, one year is always going to stand out from the rest as the worst year for each of your kids. The problem is, that year seems to last forever when you are in it.

My son's worst year is the one I recall the most. It was full of tears, tummy aches, and tardies. There were endless excuses about not going and eventual teacher visits to understand why.

That entire year required a ton of engagement from my wife and me as his parents. Truth be told, most days I didn't want to deal with it at all.

Your kid's worst year will require a specific approach from you, but it's also a useful everyday rhythm as well. It's one of those universal truths.

When we discovered how impactful this small parenting structure could be, we leaned into it heavily. I'm so glad we did.

Be Tough & Tender

In my home, I was the tough parent most of the time. My wife was the tender one. Yes, we made a great team.

But as my kids aged, I grew in my understanding that I needed to be both tough and tender if I was going to be the dad they needed.

I once held a false belief that being tough and tender meant switching between two different hats. I learned instead this structure comes from the same heart, one full of love and purposefulness.

Think of tough and tender more like a reversible vest instead of two hats. One side of the vest may be on display more than the other at times, but they are the same garment.

Being both tough and tender is powerful.
Being either-or is usually messy.
Being neither is terrible.

The opposite of tough and tender is being a passive and disengaged parent. The mom or dad who is checked out mentally, emotionally, or physically doesn't show up as firm or compassionate for their kids.

• Your kids need you to be tough on them and for them.
• Your kids need you to be tender with them and for them.

During my son's worst year, I wanted to check out. It was hard to continue to be tough and force him to school every day. It was draining to emotionally deal with his hurt too. That's why kids have loving parents though, to stay in it with them.

An older seasoned parent once shared this with me as a great caution:

Tough and tender. Your power-decade of parenting needs you to show up with both.

My inbox is always open if it's helpful to reply and share more about the struggles of your season of parenting!

See you next Friday,
Finley

500 Fridays ... book coming soon ​ Stories & Strategies To Help Parents of 3-13 Year Olds Make A Decade Count