500 Fridays Newsletter - 3 min read Season: The Springtime (8 of 11)

The Last Drop Off

Yesterday morning was my last school drop-off as a dad... ever.

My youngest daughter turns 16 next week and will be driving herself around town, back and forth to school or work.

I think it popped into my mind about 5 minutes away from her high school yesterday morning, today's the last day.

From August 17th, 2009 until May 17th, 2024, my wife or I drove our kids to school. It's been 15 years of drop-offs and pickups.

There were days of singing and some days of silence. We argued all the way to school sometimes and dropped off kids with tears. Other times we planned birthday parties or told playground stories. Sometimes we went over multiplication tables or practiced for a Spanish quiz.

Drop-off is a lot different than pickup for sure. I’ve written about avoiding the after-school eye roll when you pick up your kids because we learned what not to do with ours over the years.

What I believe mattered the most over our family's 15 years of school drop-offs and pickups was the volume of time. It wasn't magic, it was just plain math.

Roughly 175 days a year for 15 years is 2,625 days of drive time back and forth to school. Today I'm equal parts excited for my daughter and sad for myself that our drive-to-school days are over. The flexibility will be nice but the time to listen to my kids or talk with them will be less now.

Words They Need To Hear

When my kids were younger like yours, I wrote down a few phrases that I wanted to make sure they heard from me over the years. None of these were drive-time specific but I remember saying them more often on the way to school to pour some courage into their hearts and minds.

1) I love you.

Despite it being a common family phrase, don't ignore it.

Verbally telling your children you love them matters. It's a phrase with unique power. It binds, reassures, warms, and settles. Be liberal and say it often. Today, my kids say 'love you' right before they hang up the phone. I smile every single time.

2) I am proud of you.

Kids can be short on belief. Most of their community will take them down instead of build them up.

Being proud of your kids has a special effect. It builds them from the inside out. Validation speaks volumes to people but especially to kids. Saying you're proud (out loud!) communicates you noticed their effort, gifts, and courage.

3) You are special to me.

No two kids are the same. Each one has their own personality and wiring.

Verbalizing how special you think your son or daughter is, helps give deep character affirmation. The more they understand the special place they hold in your life, the more they will believe you and bond with your family.

4) I think you're smart.

Everyone has their own way of standing out and communicating in the world.

Smarts aren't always measured in the classroom. It could be problem-solving, relational repair, or art creation. Recognizing your children for their decision-making and mind is so valuable in building them up.

5) You're so handsome/beautiful.

It is human nature to draw confidence from how we look.

By the time they are teenagers, there will be more than enough criticism leveled against your kids for their appearance. Giving them assurance that you love the way they look builds the confidence they will need someday.

6) I think you are cool / You are all mine.

Boys and girls need to know they belong but in different ways.

Telling your son he is cool isn't about keeping up with the cultural standard. You are letting him know he belongs to your family and you admire his poise. He needs to know he has what it takes.

Your daughter needs to know she is lovable. Her identity as your daughter makes her special and safe. Being a Princess to a King or Queen gives her belonging.

The Physical Multiplier

These were 6 of the phrases, or some variation, that we used in the Robinson house over the years. They weren't that unique or magical, but the math works. Your kids need a volume of affirming words from you.

To make a phrase even more powerful, put your arm around them or hold their face in your hands while you say these to them. I believe that adding in some physical touch takes a powerful phrase and multiplies it by 10x!

Make your list and find every excuse to let your words fill up your drive time, play time, and bed time.

See you next Friday,
Finley

500 Fridays ... book coming soon ​ Stories & Strategies To Help Parents of 3-13 Year Olds Make A Decade Count