Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
Family Friday: 3 Styles Of Families
A Single Sentence from a Season AheadThe 3 StylesEvery family has an operating system. Often times it can go unnoticed and ignored, but every family has one for certain. The purpose of an operating system, whether it be for a business, phone or family is to manage all the moving parts and resources. It is the behind the scenes rules and structure that keep the team together. After years of observing other families and some trial and error ourselves, I identified 3 distinct styles of families, each with their own operating system. To cut to the chase, one of the styles has a much healthier outcome than the others.
I'll let you guess which I believe is the best way forward. For certain, the early seasons of babies are going to be more child focused. During your power-decade however, we learned that operating from a place of parent or child focus failed to best utilize the family's time, purpose and resources. The Parent Focused StyleThese families tend to operate around mom and dad, letting their lives take priority and the kids then fit around them. Rarely is this operating system chosen on purpose but instead, it becomes the case out of habit or inertia. Jobs The parent focused operating system becomes the default for many families because the adults have so much going on. They fill up their lives and the kids are one piece of it. A family's OS is determined by identifying where the majority of the family resources flow. If an outsized amount of time and energy is spent exclusively on mom and dad things, you might have a parent focused style family. The Child Focused StyleThese families tend to operate from a place where the kids take first priority and the parents instead revolve around them. This is often a carry over from the early years and there is never an intentional course correction for the family as a whole. Sports The child focused operating system becomes the option of choice for many families for several reasons. Sometimes it is out of an effort to keep up with the competitive Western way of living. Other times it is because parents believe their children need all they can give them in order to succeed. Again, an operating system exists to manage the allocation of resources. It is the behind the scenes rules and structure that keep the team together and in a child focused home, the kids always take priority. The Family Focused StyleThese families tend to operate with a greater vision and purpose for the family as a whole. There is a sharing of time, energy and resources as needed across the whole family team. This style never happens by accident and only occurs on purpose. Trips The family focused operating system places the good and growth of the family at the center. It is often less efficient and more clunky. It requires adults and kids to each be more patient and sacrificial. When the family receives a higher priority than individual jobs, hobbies, teams, and experiences, everyone is a part of something greater. Sometimes energy and resources need to flow to mom and dad. Other times the kids or a single child will require everything the family has to offer. A family that puts into place rules and structures that keep the whole team together will win in the long run. They will have meaningful experiences, fun traditions, and deep connection. These families don't happen by accident. I can promise that taking time to evaluate and establish the right family operating system is one of the greatest power-decade choices you can make. So which of the 3 styles is currently true for your family? Is it the same or different than the home you grew up in? I'd love to hear if you want to send a quick reply back! See you next Friday, |
Power-Decade Parenting
Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
500 Fridays Newsletter - 3 min read Season: The Full Fall (11 of 12) The 950 Weeks As a general rule of thumb, there are 950 weeks between when your son or daughter is born and when they go to college. As of today [when this was last written], we are at Week 910 with our youngest. The weeks below read like a long story you are in the middle of. You'll recognize some scenes and anticipate others. I share them to hopefully remind you to be present. Yes, I miss some things from the past and yes...
500 Fridays Newsletter - 3 min read Season: The Full Fall (10 of 12) Win - Coach - Release 📈 There is a day in your future that is lurking. It is a day that holds both promise and pain for you as a parent. This day presents a one-way door that once your family walks through it, you'll never turn around and return back to how things used to be. My family arrived on this day recently. For some families, this is only a 16-year wait. Or, depending on your kid count, it can take over 25-30 years...
500 Fridays Newsletter - 2 min read Season: The Full Fall (9 of 12) Win - Coach - Release 🎯 Bill Moore.Ron Brewer.Gus Malzahn. These are the names of 3 of the best coaches I ever had during my junior high and high school days. I played a variety of sports for 15 years and had a lot of coaches, but these men stand head and shoulders above the rest. When I think about all three of those men, they each shared several things in common. I left my time on their team exponentially better than when I...