Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
Family Friday: 3 Styles Of Families
A Single Sentence from a Season AheadThe 3 StylesEvery family has an operating system. Often times it can go unnoticed and ignored, but every family has one for certain. The purpose of an operating system, whether it be for a business, phone or family is to manage all the moving parts and resources. It is the behind the scenes rules and structure that keep the team together. After years of observing other families and some trial and error ourselves, I identified 3 distinct styles of families, each with their own operating system. To cut to the chase, one of the styles has a much healthier outcome than the others.
I'll let you guess which I believe is the best way forward. For certain, the early seasons of babies are going to be more child focused. During your power-decade however, we learned that operating from a place of parent or child focus failed to best utilize the family's time, purpose and resources. The Parent Focused StyleThese families tend to operate around mom and dad, letting their lives take priority and the kids then fit around them. Rarely is this operating system chosen on purpose but instead, it becomes the case out of habit or inertia. Jobs The parent focused operating system becomes the default for many families because the adults have so much going on. They fill up their lives and the kids are one piece of it. A family's OS is determined by identifying where the majority of the family resources flow. If an outsized amount of time and energy is spent exclusively on mom and dad things, you might have a parent focused style family. The Child Focused StyleThese families tend to operate from a place where the kids take first priority and the parents instead revolve around them. This is often a carry over from the early years and there is never an intentional course correction for the family as a whole. Sports The child focused operating system becomes the option of choice for many families for several reasons. Sometimes it is out of an effort to keep up with the competitive Western way of living. Other times it is because parents believe their children need all they can give them in order to succeed. Again, an operating system exists to manage the allocation of resources. It is the behind the scenes rules and structure that keep the team together and in a child focused home, the kids always take priority. The Family Focused StyleThese families tend to operate with a greater vision and purpose for the family as a whole. There is a sharing of time, energy and resources as needed across the whole family team. This style never happens by accident and only occurs on purpose. Trips The family focused operating system places the good and growth of the family at the center. It is often less efficient and more clunky. It requires adults and kids to each be more patient and sacrificial. When the family receives a higher priority than individual jobs, hobbies, teams, and experiences, everyone is a part of something greater. Sometimes energy and resources need to flow to mom and dad. Other times the kids or a single child will require everything the family has to offer. A family that puts into place rules and structures that keep the whole team together will win in the long run. They will have meaningful experiences, fun traditions, and deep connection. These families don't happen by accident. I can promise that taking time to evaluate and establish the right family operating system is one of the greatest power-decade choices you can make. So which of the 3 styles is currently true for your family? Is it the same or different than the home you grew up in? I'd love to hear if you want to send a quick reply back! See you next Friday, |
Power-Decade Parenting
Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
500 Fridays Newsletter - 2 min read Season: The Cold Days (11 of 12) A "Figure It Out" Family Our kids heard me say it in our home more times than I can count…. you go figure it out. It was used less when they were little, but with each year they grew older, they heard it more and more. I know they grew tired of it, and I'm certain I said it with the wrong tone many, many times. That doesn't mean it wasn't one of the most important and staple phrases in our family, though. Have you ever...
500 Fridays Newsletter - 2 min read Season: The Cold Days (10 of 12) If there's one emotion that parents don't need more of while in their power-decade season, it's shame. The feeling of pain or guilt that emerges when mom or dad realizes their family isn't measuring up. I felt it on many occasions and I reckon you have too. I remember taking my kids to the entrance of certain rides at Disney when they were little. We walked up to the board only to discover they were a few inches short of the...
500 Fridays Newsletter - 3 min read Season: The Cold Days (9 of 12) The Cartwheel Story Today, it is a rare sight to see a mom shopping with all of her kids hanging off the grocery cart. It doesn't happen as often today as it used to thanks to Walmart Grocery Pickup. Now, moms have been taking their kids to buy groceries forever, but some shopping sessions truly stand out. We have a family story from when our kids were 3, 6, and 7 that took the prize for us. A little background on the kinds...