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Family Friday Newsletter - 3 min read by Finley Robinson

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A Single Sentence from a Season Ahead

Last Name Power

Scott.
Nolen.
Martin.
Graves.
Hannon.
Wiseman.
Matthews.

These surnames likely mean nothing to you, but they meant everything to me as a young father. Every power-decade parent needs a list like this.

These names were pillars for us. They represent families that I looked up to and learned from. I'm now two decades into being a dad and still learning from them.

More important than what I took from them is what they stand for. In every one of these families, I witnessed a unique kind of gravity.

Why? Certainly not because they had it all figured out, raised the best kids, or were the most well-known in their community.

No, they all possessed a family identity. Just by mentioning their family name, you could feel their presence in a way.

They had special rhythms.
They were confident and close.
They possessed weight by being together.
They lived by convictions that did not seem to waver.

Belonging to one of these families meant something deeper and weighty from my vantage point.

I'm sure the kids would roll their eyes at being singled out this way because to them it was a normal family. As a spectator near them though, I observed something different. Belonging to one of these families meant something more.

They had a robust family identity.

Proverbs 22:1 says, "A good name is more desirable than great riches."

I wanted this for my family from the day our first daughter was born more than anything I could dream of.

I believe that the majority of parents in our culture don't realize the power of having a strong family identity. It can be overlooked if parents don't pursue it, but there are so many benefits. Here are 7 that I've found:

1. Family identity helps give kids orientation in a chaotic world.
2. Family identity enables easier decision-making.
3. Family identity gives siblings a common bond.
4. Family identity brings the physical and emotional home together.
5. Family identity is a built-in defense department.
6. Family identity puts meaning behind your last name.
7. Family identity finds hope in the long game of parenting.
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Identity Creation

So how do you attach an identity to your family name?

There isn't a simple 3 step process that will guarantee it, but here is how I would recommend you move forward.

Part 1: Tell your kids they belong to the ______ Family.

(obviously, insert your last name in the blank above)

Remind them they are a part of a bigger team. Help them see that their individual presence matters but they represent the whole family too.

• When they hop out of the car at school, affirm they belong to and represent your family name.
• When you drop them off at a friend's house to play, repeat that they carry your family everywhere.
• When one person succeeds, parents or kids, celebrate the family win. When one person experiences pain, show up as a family.

Family Identity begins with belonging.

Part 2: Create shared experiences because you are the _____ Family.

Most families today excel at the shared experience. Vacations together. Meals at your favorite restaurant. Adventures in the woods. Sharing funny memes.

The missing step is announcing it and attaching it directly. Give your thing a name. This is how you create identity.

The ____ Family eats out together on Sundays after church.

The ____ Family shows up for each other's sporting events.

The ____ Family binges shows together instead of watching separately.

The ____ Family rides bikes around the block in the evenings during the Summer.

Family identity requires being intentional and consistent.

Part 3: Attach Do's & Don'ts to being the _____ Family.

This is where you leverage your role as mom or dad for your family identity. Certain privileges and actions come from being in your family. On the flip side, some restrictions come from that belonging also.

• We do our homework every night because the ____ Family works hard.
• We don't talk badly about other families because the ____ Family respects others.
• We sing songs at night before bed because the ____ Family loves music.
• We choose not to leave our table dirty at a restaurant because we wouldn't do that at our house either.

The Do's & Don'ts become even more important as your kids grow into the preteen and teenage years. The family identity is hopefully well entrenched and will aid in their decision-making outside your home (though it will still be messy I promise!)

Family Identity creates a strong and lasting culture.

See you next Friday,
Finley

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