Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
Family Friday: Defeating Discouragement As A Parent
A Single Sentence from a Season AheadThe Daily Discouragement 😤Let's be honest: Everyday life as a power-decade parent is tough. You provide for physical needs. And yet, your kids give practically zero demonstration that they are "getting it." Rare are the signals that maturity, gratitude, or change is happening at all. It's enough to make a mom or dad want to give up, check out, and lose heart. I've had those days... many, many of those days as a dad in fact. But then an unexpected voice would chime in. On occasion, my wife and I would receive a spark of hope. It kept us on track despite the day-to-day discouragement we felt raising young kids. It took a while, but once I realized that the signal I needed came from an unexpected place, everything changed for me. The truth is, you're too close to the action to see it differently. You feel every single challenging moment from your kids. Plus, they really pour it on when they are around you. Every whine from your 4yr old. The Worst Version 😩There are two reasons that parents rack up a daily dose of discouragement.
This is why you feel discouraged so often. You are getting a volume of your kid's worst traits and behaviors on a consistent basis. But what if they are changing and you're not in a position to see it? The Best Test 🤩The goal of raising kids is that someday they become adults. What if you should be looking at what other adults are saying about your child's growth instead of how they act every day inside your family? What if instead of being discouraged by what you witness, you could be encouraged by how others talk about your son or daughter? As our kids grew older, they spent more individual moments away from our home. This is the normal path in our American culture. Children will spend an increasing amount of time around teachers, neighbors, coaches, aunts and uncles, and their best friend's parents. As our kids played on teams and spent time at a friend's house, my wife and I started hearing stories about them. We began to notice and hear similar themes about our kids from other adults. "Your kids are really respectful." When I heard this, I wondered who they were talking about because it 100% couldn't be my kids! Were we talking about the same 9yr old? They didn't demonstrate respect, manners, thoughtfulness, or initiative while they were under my roof that's for sure. But we heard it over and over, and not from the same people. Coaches recognized it. Aunts and Uncles affirmed it. Other parents said it. Somewhere along the way, we began to believe it had to be true. I know it's demoralizing to teach the same thing to the same kid over and over and over again. You wonder if you'll ever see a different outcome. You are making character and skill progress, but you're too close. Families in the power-decade of parenting are not likely to see evidence of change often. A decade ago, when I was talking to a mentor who had kids 5-10 years older than mine, let me in on this secret. It's why I'm sharing it with you today...
What other people say about your kids when you aren't around is the best evidence of who they are becoming.
Don't let the everyday life you are experiencing be too discouraging. Who they are when they leave your home is the best test. See You Next Friday - Finley PS. Thanks for passing this newsletter along to your spouse or friends and family who also have kids in the power-decade. |
Power-Decade Parenting
Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
500 Fridays Newsletter - 3.5 min read Season: The Springtime (1 of 11) Tell Them The Truth As I’ve written about the power-decade over the past few years, I often ask young parent friends for relevant topics or situations. A while ago, my neighbor asked me to write about how we responded when our kids asked hard questions. It had me stumped at first, but I know that we did it. When I stopped to think about it, I realized our kids never seemed hesitant to bring hard questions. I am thankful...
500 Fridays Newsletter - 4 min read Season: The Cold Days (12 of 12) The Dilemma "Discipline" is a complicated subject for power-decade parents. I was texting a friend the other day about the gentle parenting movement that has landed in our culture today. So many of today’s ideas are a reaction to what was broken about yesterday’s approach. While disciplining children is a polarizing topic, it is a critical part of raising kids. My wife and I were young parents and both came from families...
500 Fridays Newsletter - 2 min read Season: The Cold Days (11 of 12) A "Figure It Out" Family Our kids heard me say it in our home more times than I can count…. you go figure it out. It was used less when they were little, but with each year they grew older, they heard it more and more. I know they grew tired of it, and I'm certain I said it with the wrong tone many, many times. That doesn't mean it wasn't one of the most important and staple phrases in our family, though. Have you ever...