Family Friday: Defeating Discouragement As A Parent

Family Friday Newsletter - 3 min read

by: Finley Robinson

A Single Sentence from a Season Ahead

Teach your kids early on that special things are worth waiting for.

The Daily Discouragement 😤

Let's be honest: Everyday life as a power-decade parent is tough.

You provide for physical needs.
You slow down for emotional needs.
You create fun and memorable moments.
You attempt to bring calm to the total chaos.

And yet, your kids give practically zero demonstration that they are "getting it." Rare are the signals that maturity, gratitude, or change is happening at all.

It's enough to make a mom or dad want to give up, check out, and lose heart. I've had those days... many, many of those days as a dad in fact.

But then an unexpected voice would chime in. On occasion, my wife and I would receive a spark of hope. It kept us on track despite the day-to-day discouragement we felt raising young kids.

It took a while, but once I realized that the signal I needed came from an unexpected place, everything changed for me.

The truth is, you're too close to the action to see it differently.

You feel every single challenging moment from your kids. Plus, they really pour it on when they are around you.

Every whine from your 4yr old.
Every bit of sass from your 7yr old.
Every disrespect from your 10yr old.
Every single eye roll from your 13yr old.

The Worst Version 😩

There are two reasons that parents rack up a daily dose of discouragement.

The first is frequency. You spend more time with your kids in this particular season than you will for the rest of your life. In fact, I read this week that between 93 and 95 percent of all the time you will spend in person with your children will happen before they turn 18!
The second is safety. As humans, we tend to let our worst traits come out and be expressed around those people that we feel closest to. Kids who know they are loved and cared for will act out and give in to their selfishness more easily at home.

This is why you feel discouraged so often. You are getting a volume of your kid's worst traits and behaviors on a consistent basis.

But what if they are changing and you're not in a position to see it?

The Best Test 🤩

The goal of raising kids is that someday they become adults.

What if you should be looking at what other adults are saying about your child's growth instead of how they act every day inside your family?

What if instead of being discouraged by what you witness, you could be encouraged by how others talk about your son or daughter?

As our kids grew older, they spent more individual moments away from our home. This is the normal path in our American culture.

Children will spend an increasing amount of time around teachers, neighbors, coaches, aunts and uncles, and their best friend's parents.

As our kids played on teams and spent time at a friend's house, my wife and I started hearing stories about them. We began to notice and hear similar themes about our kids from other adults.

"Your kids are really respectful."
"Your kids have such nice manners."
"Your kids were so thoughtful and helpful."
"Your kids helped us to clean up after dinner."

When I heard this, I wondered who they were talking about because it 100% couldn't be my kids! Were we talking about the same 9yr old?

They didn't demonstrate respect, manners, thoughtfulness, or initiative while they were under my roof that's for sure.

But we heard it over and over, and not from the same people. Coaches recognized it. Aunts and Uncles affirmed it. Other parents said it. Somewhere along the way, we began to believe it had to be true.

I know it's demoralizing to teach the same thing to the same kid over and over and over again. You wonder if you'll ever see a different outcome.

You are making character and skill progress, but you're too close. Families in the power-decade of parenting are not likely to see evidence of change often.

A decade ago, when I was talking to a mentor who had kids 5-10 years older than mine, let me in on this secret. It's why I'm sharing it with you today...

What other people say about your kids when you aren't around is the best evidence of who they are becoming.

Don't let the everyday life you are experiencing be too discouraging.

Who they are when they leave your home is the best test.

See You Next Friday - Finley

PS. Thanks for passing this newsletter along to your spouse or friends and family who also have kids in the power-decade.

Helping parents create a family and wealth that will last a lifetime.

After working as a pastor for 20 years, I am convinced that the most influential people in our entire culture are parents of 3-13 year olds. My wife and I were young parents and counted on the wisdom and stories of others to stay in the game. That's why this newsletter exists. In my role as an investment advisor today I know that wealth is not a number but a way of life. I believe that families should not be asset rich and relationally poor. If you want to talk more about how I can help your family with multi-generational investment planning, let's connect.

Finley Robinson · Investment Advisor

Power-Decade Parenting