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Family Friday Newsletter - 3 min read by: Finley Robinson

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A Single Sentence from a Season Ahead

No More Scale

How often do you feel guilt as a parent?

Somedays I wonder if parents in the 1950s felt guilt in a similar way as parents today or if it's a more modern feeling. They probably did, but still, I wonder.

More than any other stage, when you're in the power-decade of parenting, the impulse to compare is unstoppable. For instance ...

Do you look at your screen time and compare it to the amount of time you spend tossing a ball or working on a puzzle? Do you worry that the laundry, meals, dishes, bills, projects, and late-night emails are stripping you of backyard moments with your kids?

Here is some freedom I'd offer you that someone shared with me...

My wife has a health coaching and fitness membership for women. One of the first action steps that she gives women who want to make healthy changes is to put the scale away.

Yes, it is good to know your starting weight because one day having a progress point will be helpful. However, the scale can quickly become the villain.

She tries instead to help her clients focus on creating awareness and a new way to sustain a healthy life.

As a parent, when you compare time spent (ie. 'the scale') in your different functions as a mom or dad, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of guilt.

We all know that our phones take away our attention from the kids daily, but achieving an equal time balance is never going to happen.

The scale only amplifies guilt.
The scale isn't how kids see the world.
The scale causes you to miss the big picture.
The scale removes joy and replaces it with numbers, blah.

I don't know of a single parent who hasn't struggled with the scale. I know I have and I still do.

The pressure you feel as a parent, for everything you must carry and accomplish, is real. So what does a power-decade parent do instead?

The power-decade is rich with opportunity because of your child's increasing abilities. Their attention span gets longer. Your interests are more aligned. They can carry on a conversation for more than 2 minutes.

But as they age, the small moments happen less often as kids get busier.

When your kids are three or five or eight, the temptation can be to only wait for the big moments, the all-day stuff. Vacations and theme parks and day hikes are all great.

So is a chapter in the book you are reading together.
So is a quick bike ride around the block.
So is 20 minutes on a trampoline.
So is a really long hug.

Backyard Moments

Kids will always want more of you. That is the joy of being a kid.

So, throw away the scale that you are using to weigh out your "did I do enough of [fill in the blank] today?"

Kids will always want all of your time and then some. They will adjust as life moves around them. I'm not creating an excuse for being a daily absentee parent, no.

I am saying that the moments I remember the most and the ones my kids still talk about are the small backyard moments, no matter how little time they took.

• Playing Lego Star Wars on the Wii, all six episodes.

• Playing go fish or spoons and seeing them get competitive like their dad.

• Playing some dumb game I invented on the trampoline with my wedding ring.

• Playing ball in the front yard, even when they got tired after 10 minutes.

The scale is only going to rob your joy and heap guilt upon your head. Somedays I wanted more time with my kids and they were over Dad's games. The scale is always unkind.

There is a reason that movies romanticize the puzzle around the fire and playing catch in the backyard. They are the small ones that add up.

I didn't realize it at the time because of the arguing or the cries of unfairness between my kids. The 20 min here or the 40 min there, they stick. Both for you and for them.

When you stop looking at the hours of cooking, cleaning or scrolling and accept the few backyard moments as enough, you'll be the free parent you hope to be.

See you next Friday,
Finley

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