500 Fridays Newsletter - 2 min read Season: The Cold Days (10 of 12)

If there's one emotion that parents don't need more of while in their power-decade season, it's shame. The feeling of pain or guilt that emerges when mom or dad realizes their family isn't measuring up.

I felt it on many occasions and I reckon you have too.

I remember taking my kids to the entrance of certain rides at Disney when they were little. We walked up to the board only to discover they were a few inches short of the required minimum height.

The look on their face was impossible to bear. So much disappointment when they were told they couldn't experience the fun of the ride.

That same look of disappointment shows up on young parents' faces all the time and it happens when they hear this three-word-phrase...

I hated hearing those instructions from older parents. Why? Because if you're honest about whatever season you're currently in, there is plenty of hard that you won't ever cherish.

Teething is hard.
Not sleeping is hard.
Temper tantrums are hard.

Picky eaters are hard.
Potty training is hard.
Sibling fights are hard.

Learning multiplication is hard.
Winter birthday parties are hard.
Three separate school drop-offs are hard.

Cliques are hard.
Social media is hard.
Tryouts for the team are hard.

Dinner every night is hard.
Managing screen time is hard.
Letting hobbies go dormant is hard.

Telling us to "cherish every season" is advice we received that never sat well with me and I've never passed along to others either.

It's an attempt to communicate that the parent misses the best parts of the specific season you're in. What that phrase does instead is minimize the hard parts of your season and induce shame.

That's how the cycle is repeated over and over again. Instead of being honest about the hard and appreciating each season's sweetness, parents are told they don't measure up if they can't cherish every season.

Don't Suffer In Shame

There are things I miss about having little kids running around my house. There are also a lot of hard realities that I'm thankful are behind me too.

What is the better way forward that keeps shame on the sidelines?

Be as present as you can in each season with your kids.
Fight against hurrying them along too fast. Why? Because ...

Smash cakes are special.
The first steps are magical.

After bath snuggles are wonderful.
Welcome home screams are legendary.

The first soccer goal scored is beautiful.
Witnessing a kindergarten crush is adorable.

Campfire s'mores are delicious.
Stomping in a rain puddle is glorious.

The first sleepover is lovely chaos.
Riding without training wheels is grand.

Doing their own laundry is magnificent.
Suddenly caring about fashion is stunning.

Talent shows are enchanting.
Summer pool parties are fantastic.

See You Next Friday,
Finley

500 Fridays ... book coming soon ​ Stories & Strategies To Help Parents of 3-13 Year Olds Make A Decade Count