Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
500 Fridays: We Didn't "Cherish Every Season"
|
If there's one emotion that parents don't need more of while in their power-decade season, it's shame. The feeling of pain or guilt that emerges when mom or dad realizes their family isn't measuring up. I felt it on many occasions and I reckon you have too. I remember taking my kids to the entrance of certain rides at Disney when they were little. We walked up to the board only to discover they were a few inches short of the required minimum height. The look on their face was impossible to bear. So much disappointment when they were told they couldn't experience the fun of the ride. That same look of disappointment shows up on young parents' faces all the time and it happens when they hear this three-word-phrase... "Cherish Every Season" I hated hearing those instructions from older parents. Why? Because if you're honest about whatever season you're currently in, there is plenty of hard that you won't ever cherish. Teething is hard. Picky eaters are hard. Learning multiplication is hard. Cliques are hard. Dinner every night is hard. Telling us to "cherish every season" is advice we received that never sat well with me and I've never passed along to others either. It's an attempt to communicate that the parent misses the best parts of the specific season you're in. What that phrase does instead is minimize the hard parts of your season and induce shame. That's how the cycle is repeated over and over again. Instead of being honest about the hard and appreciating each season's sweetness, parents are told they don't measure up if they can't cherish every season. Don't Suffer In ShameThere are things I miss about having little kids running around my house. There are also a lot of hard realities that I'm thankful are behind me too. What is the better way forward that keeps shame on the sidelines? Be as present as you can in each season with your kids. Smash cakes are special. After bath snuggles are wonderful. The first soccer goal scored is beautiful. Campfire s'mores are delicious. The first sleepover is lovely chaos. Doing their own laundry is magnificent. Talent shows are enchanting. Big Idea: Don't let shame take over when you don't love everything about your current season of parenting.
See You Next Friday, |
Power-Decade Parenting
Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
500 Fridays Newsletter - 3.5 min read Season: The Springtime (1 of 11) Tell Them The Truth As I’ve written about the power-decade over the past few years, I often ask young parent friends for relevant topics or situations. A while ago, my neighbor asked me to write about how we responded when our kids asked hard questions. It had me stumped at first, but I know that we did it. When I stopped to think about it, I realized our kids never seemed hesitant to bring hard questions. I am thankful...
500 Fridays Newsletter - 4 min read Season: The Cold Days (12 of 12) The Dilemma "Discipline" is a complicated subject for power-decade parents. I was texting a friend the other day about the gentle parenting movement that has landed in our culture today. So many of today’s ideas are a reaction to what was broken about yesterday’s approach. While disciplining children is a polarizing topic, it is a critical part of raising kids. My wife and I were young parents and both came from families...
500 Fridays Newsletter - 2 min read Season: The Cold Days (11 of 12) A "Figure It Out" Family Our kids heard me say it in our home more times than I can count…. you go figure it out. It was used less when they were little, but with each year they grew older, they heard it more and more. I know they grew tired of it, and I'm certain I said it with the wrong tone many, many times. That doesn't mean it wasn't one of the most important and staple phrases in our family, though. Have you ever...