500 Fridays Newsletter - 3 min read Season: The Springtime (5 of 11)

First, Pull The Weeds

My father loves to garden.... but I do not. We live next door to each other though, so I am the beneficiary of his green thumb.

Gardening is a lot of ongoing work that I don't enjoy. There's something specific to do in every season, and the cycle never ends. It's not complicated, it's just so tedious.

Pull the weeds. Water the plants. Fertilize the soil.
Pull the weeds. Remove dead plants & plant new ones.
Pull the weeds. Make sure everything gets enough sunlight.

Watching my dad garden over the years taught me something powerful: beauty arrives on the other side of tedious effort.

The inner lives of your kids are a lot like a garden, and you are their gardener. When I've talked with friends and other parents over the years, one of the most beautiful traits we hope to see someday in our kids is gratitude.

Part of raising small humans is a frequent reminder that weeds and flowers always grow in the same place. In our home, we had a lot of weeds attitudes that needed to be pulled over time.

• Where you want gratitude to grow, you must pull the weed of entitlement.
• Where you want thankfulness to grow, you must pull the weed of excess.
• Where you want contentment to grow, you must pull the weed of greed.

8 Traits of Gratitude

As summer is just around the corner, keep planting seeds of gratitude into the deep-down parts of your kids.

It's unlikely that you will see anything resembling gratitude for years and years. We certainly didn't, but... keep at the tedious work.

1. Gratitude rarely shows signs early on.

Much like vegetables to young kids, gratitude is an acquired taste. Most kids after the age of 4-5 enter into the me-monster stage and barely show signs of gratefulness until they are deep into their teen years.

Don't lose heart. Keep giving them opportunities in your life and family to practice it. Ask them to thank the waitress. Have them pick up all their toys and remember what they do have.

2. Gratitude should be caught and taught.

When your kids witness you being grateful, it is powerful. Whether it's big or small, when you feel grateful in a moment, let it all hang out.

​Thanksgiving is more than a holiday in November. Allowing your kids to share in what brings you joy in life will help them observe what you are thankful for.

3. Gratitude requires significant repetition.

Teach kids to say thank you as early as possible. Yes, we were the family that used baby sign language and had our kids say thank you before they could even talk.The more often you talk, teach, model, practice, expect, show, and develop gratitude in your kids, the deeper it will sink in.

4. Gratitude is an ongoing personal battle.

You and I don't stop growing weeds of entitlement and greed either. The only difference is that as we age, we've lived long enough to have more to be grateful for.

Telling family stories and sharing your struggles with gratitude brings them into the process along with you.

5. Gratitude often requires a loss.

It is likely that your kids won't grasp the depths of gratitude until they experience some kind of personal loss. An injury that forces them to miss their favorite sports season. A close friend who moves away.

The disruption caused by a loss is what awakens kids to the blessings they have right in front of them if you help shepherd them through it.

6. Gratitude is at its worst on a vacation.

Many of my angriest moments as a dad came on a family vacation. The amount of planning and money spent was supposed to create simultaneous memories and gratitude in my kids, right?

There is something about the disease of more, that is ever present on a family vacation. Years later, my kids are grateful for the trips we took, but their ungrateful attitudes at the time brought out the worst in me.

7. Gratitude usually increases with age.

Buckle up for ages 11-14. These are the peak entitlement years. It feels like all is lost and your kids will possibly never be grateful for anything they have been given.

Give it time and practice grace in your home.​

8. Gratitude is taught best as a family value.

The best way we found to teach and infuse gratitude was to practice it together. We loved to say, "We are a grateful family because ..."

Something that isn't concrete for kids, like gratitude, is easier to grasp when you demonstrate it as a family. It's together that you help weed out entitlement and make room for gratitude to grow in your lives at home.

See you next Friday,
Finley

500 Fridays ... book coming soon ​ Stories & Strategies To Help Parents of 3-13 Year Olds Make A Decade Count