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The Last Day

Today is a significant Friday. To be honest, it only felt real about 48 hours ago.

Today is my son's last day of high school.

We have plenty of activities ahead with graduation parties and cap and gown pictures. But today is the last time that my son will walk into his public school building as a student.

I remember his first day of kindergarten with his spiky blonde hair, new shoes, and a 2XL backpack that hung down to his knees.

I remember his mom's tears as we left him with other kids we'd never met.

One girl from that exact kindergarten class was his senior prom date. Several boys from that class were in his small group all the way through their senior year as well.

But on that first day of kindergarten, we had no idea who he'd meet, what experiences would shape him, and how we'd change as parents too.

13 years of school and today is his last day.

So, in an attempt to turn a moment from our family into momentum for yours, I'm going to share what I wish I would've known along the way.

It might spark a conversation with your spouse. It could remove some guilt you've been carrying. It may encourage you to reassess some of your priorities. It might help you enjoy your stage instead of looking ahead too quickly.

As I thought about my approach, I decided I wanted to answer this question:

So here it is ...

Stage 1: Early Elementary

• Pick a cadence and then show up to his school consistently. Be silly and talk with his friends. Everyone wins when parents are around the school.
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• Enjoy splitting a 12-count of Chick-fil-a nuggets between all your kids. One day, he'll eat a 12-count and a sandwich all by himself.
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• It's the first time, to get less time, so make the most of your actual time. Don't go to work early and stay late. Be home when he is.
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Stage 2: Late Elementary

• You have a short time where he looks at you like you're his hero. Even though you know you're deeply flawed, be the kind of parent he believes you to be.
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• It's ok to skip school and take a trip. Don't worry about absences; go to Disney when the crowds are low.
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• Be ready to explain harder life topics than you think. He witnesses bullying, divorce, racism, poverty, sexuality, favoritism, or injustice every week.
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Stage 3: Middle School

• It's the best of times and the worst of times. He will meet friends that will someday be his college roommates. You'll also have to explain the meaning of words that will make you blush, but you do it because he needs to hear it from you.
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• Buy him the clothes that he wants to fit in. Social status isn't the goal, but belonging begins to be more important than ever.
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• It's ok to be the "Final 25% Family" who doesn't hand him a cell phone like everyone else. You're protecting him now, but you need to be preparing him at the same time because he will have one soon.
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Stage 4: Junior High

• You will be awarded the "Endless Uber Driver" badge and shouldn't complain about it one bit. When he gets his car keys you'll realize how much you learned with hours in the car together.
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• Make sure you keep talking about everything... Friendships, Faith, Work Ethic, Sex, Identity, Sportsmanship, Media Messaging, Etc.
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• Things are changing fast in his world so be a steady and safe presence, even when he only speaks in caveman language.
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Stage 5: High School

• You'll wonder if you should make him get a job. The answer is yes. Don't mandate it, but strongly encourage and enable him to start working. There are so many good ways it will develop him.
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• When he makes terrible teenage decisions, love him hard. There is a parenting line between total restriction and no restraints. Healthy regulations at home are good, but he'll still learn the hard way.
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• Food is the master key that unlocks everything. Family time, being "that house" for his friends, and making him feel cared for.

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No matter where your family currently finds itself, I am another voice who can confirm that it's surprising how quickly we got to this day.

If the first decade of parenting felt more like survival, the second has felt like an arrival. A simple goal of ours has been to raise kids who still love home when they leave.

So far, we seem to be headed that way.