Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
Family Friday: My Pediatrician Father's Best Advice
A Single Sentence from a Season Ahead
One of the hardest struggles early on in parenting is to care more about kid's internal development than their external behaviors.
NormalMy father was a Pediatrician for 38 years. I did the math and by himself, he had over 350,000 sick and well-child appointments in his clinic over the years. Not to mention his other partners, who combined, have seen everything you could imagine. Growing up as the son of a Pediatrician had its big perks (and some decent downsides too). By far the greatest benefit though is having a dad who could help take care of his sick grandchildren. It's partly why we live right next door to him. He has seen it all. In my mid-20s and a few years into fatherhood, my Dad finally hit me with the most freeing and true POV I'd ever had. As more and more issues and questions were piling up, he dropped one of my all-time favorite nuggets from his well-earned vantage point. "Son, there is a wide range of normal with kids." That singular idea gave me freedom, clarity, and patience for over 2 decades as a dad, and here's why ... Reason #1: Parents compare, often. It's natural, normal, and expected. But the comparisons do kill. Just because your best friend's child is switch-hitting at age 7 and you hear about it every day, doesn't mean your child isn't any good. It is normal for your child to be good at some things and not as proficient at others. They are still growing and developing! Reason #2: Parents worry, a lot. When kids are young and developing, most parents want to know "Is this normal?" This growth chart, behavior, or reading level... My father would say almost every answer to that question is YES. But parents love their kids and tend to worry about the 1-in-a-million chance something is wrong. Or worse, that their child is 'falling behind.' Reason #3: Parents live shortsighted. In our "hurry-up and advance" culture, parents are convinced their child is falling behind. Rushed kids rarely respond well. It's ok to raise them slowly. Parents are gifted at missing the big picture, whether it is the fear of getting left behind in a sport, not reading as soon as his sister, or struggling to make new friends. "Son, there is a wide range of normal." Reason #4: Parents idolize special. I hate to break it to you. You have normal kids. "No, not my kid. My kid is special." Remember when they were first born? What did you hope for? Normal. Nothing extra, different, or special. When did that outlook change? For me, it probably started around 12 months. Is my daughter walking before my friend's son? Oh, she's gonna be special. Nope, there's a walking range, like everything else. Yes your kids are unique and wonderful and different. They are yours! But when it comes to growing and developing in any area... Sleep Take comfort from my father's words.
There is a - w i d e - range of normal for your kids.
Does that help relieve any pressure you've been putting on yourself or your kids? Have you struggled with accepting that your kids aren't achieving at the rate you hoped they would? If you want to reply back and share, I'd love to hear from your POV as a parent today. See you next Friday, |
Power-Decade Parenting
Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
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