Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
Family Friday: Your Archery Lesson
A Single Sentence from a Season Ahead
Win-Coach-RELEASE 📈
There is a day in your future that is lurking. It is a day that holds both promise and pain for you as a parent.
This day presents a one-way door that once your family walks through it, you'll never turn around and return back to how things used to be.
I arrived upon that day this week. For some families, this is only a 16-year wait. For others, you can wait over 25 years for it to arrive.
So what is this day that lurks for us all? It is the day your youngest child passes their road driver's test.
It marks a new chapter in the story your family is writing together.
Sure it's a big deal when your oldest child can drive, but when your youngest can drive... the entire family equation changes.
It holds much promise:
- your schedule will free up
- your Uber service has concluded
- your days now belong more to you
It also holds potential pain:
- you will spend less time with your kids
- you will miss hearing their stories in the car
- you will worry when everyone is gone more often
This is the parent's path. To raise kids who will one day leave.
This stage may seem extremely far off for you right now or it may be dawning on you how close it really is. Either way, it's in your future.
Arrows 🏹
One of my favorite mental images for parenting comes from an old wise man named Solomon, shared in the Bible in Psalm 127.
It paints the picture of parents as determined archers and our children as formative arrows.
"Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth."
The mental image it creates, of course, is that one day your children will be shot out purposefully sent out of your home.
They will be released from the daily input, guidance, and protection you've provided. Once an arrow is released, it speeds away from you rapidly in the direction it was pointed.
No matter whether today you have a 1 and 3-year-old or a 13 and 15-year-old, you are going to send them off.
They will be released with all the connection and coaching that you provided up to that point.
My Favorite Framework 🔨
I've written about the Win-Coach-Release Framework before but wanted to revisit it. This time by starting with the end in mind.
It is scary to release our kids, both for us and for them.
We are just in the infancy of this stage of parenting and despite my best efforts, there are so many things I haven't prepared my kids for yet.
When you release your kids they will be ready for a lot, but not everything. Some lessons can only be learned in real-time, under real urgency.
When you have coached them (more on that next week) from a place of heart connection (coming in 2 weeks) the release feels less like a speeding bullet and more like a floating balloon.
Prepare them to be self-sufficient. But also give them the gift of knowing they have parents in their corner.
It is a family privilege that your kids will adore someday.
During the tantrum years, the teenage drama and the endless days of summer break, I know you long for the days when they will be out from under your feet.
That day will come. But, you'll be surprised when it does.
The truth is, the release is much closer to the age of 16 when they are driving than 18 when they are leaving.
So with the end in mind, count backward from their 16th birthday and see far away you are from Week 832: she got her driver's license.
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Power-Decade Parenting
Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
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