500 Fridays Newsletter - 2.5 min read Season: The Springtime (4 of 11)

Becoming "That" House

Having a family culture where your teenage kids want to bring their friends over to hang out is easier said than done.

Many (but not all) of my friends that I talked to over the years wanted their house to be a place where teenagers gathered. Whether kids showed up after ball games, came over for board games or just needed to crash for the night, having a welcoming teenage home is a goal for many families.

This desire often comes from the personal nostalgia that we have about our years as a teenager. There's also a little bit of parental pride that our kids are allowing us to be in the presence of their friends.

The truth is, the foundation for becoming "that house" starts long before you have a 14-18 year old. It starts in your power-decade season now and more importantly, is modeled time and again leading up to their teenage years.

"That" House: The Process

If you were to come to our house any time from about 7 am till midnight any day of the week, every outside door is unlocked.

I don't think it is that significant but more symbolic for us. Maybe it's a bit strange to you, maybe not.

In the Robinson house, once we get up every day, our doors are open. Whoever stops by is welcome to come in. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't.

But our doors are always open and we explicitly told this to our kids. We wanted to be an open-door family because we believed that our kids would be better for it in the long run.

When our kids were younger like yours, we had families in transition stay with us for a few weeks. When my wife and I had college friends from out of town come to visit, they would bring their kids and pile in for a weekend. We hosted small groups from church and graduation parties for others.

When I reflect back now, I don't remember the effort it took at the time but I do remember the moments we shared with those people. The experiences, stories, and memories far outlast every bit of the effort.

"That" House: The Cost

I should warn you though; being an open-door family is costly.

• It requires energy to clean your home before and after.
• You will spend more money on food than you might want.
• It will cost you time in your day that you don't think you have to spare.
• You will watch your pride take a hit when everything isn't as perfect as you might like.

But the payoff is significant.

You and your family will be richer in relationships and your kids will know that their home is a welcoming one. That's all it truly takes to become "that house" someday, but it starts now.

Showing your kids that your home is open to others when they are 5, will normalize it when they are 15.

Having a family that makes extra food when they are 7, shows them you'll feed their friends when they are 17.

Being ok with messes at 8 means the sugar-filled nights of 13-year-old sleepovers are possible.

Opening your home to other adults, college kids, or neighbors today gives them early exposure to becoming "that house" someday later.

Trust me, there is immense joy in hearing the laughs and seeing the parked cars outside your house. The pile of dirty dishes is worth the pile of teenagers in your living room.

Demonstrating and telling your kids that you have an open-door home today is the path to becoming "that" house for your teenagers in the future.

See you next Friday,
Finley

500 Fridays ... book coming soon ​ Stories & Strategies To Help Parents of 3-13 Year Olds Make A Decade Count