Family Friday: His Last Day Of High School

Family Friday Newsletter - 3.5 min read

by: Finley Robinson

A Single Sentence from a Season Ahead

The most comforting advice my pediatrician father ever gave me as a dad was this ... "there is a w-i-d-e range of normal with kids."

The Last Day

I originally wrote and shared this when my son was finishing his senior year of high school. Even though that moment has passed, I'm convinced the lessons we learned are as relevant as ever.

Today is a significant Friday. To be honest, it only felt real about 48 hours ago.

Today is my son's last day of high school.

We have plenty of activities ahead with graduation parties and cap and gown pictures. But today is the last time that my son will walk into his public school building as a student.

I remember his first day of kindergarten with his spiky blonde hair, new shoes, and a 2XL backpack that hung down to his knees.

I remember his mom's tears as we left him with other kids we'd never met.

One girl from that exact kindergarten class was his senior prom date. Several boys from that class were in his small group all the way through their senior year as well.

But on that first day of kindergarten, we had no idea who he'd meet, what experiences would shape him, and how we'd change as parents too.

13 years of school and today is his last day.

So, in an attempt to turn a moment from our family into momentum for yours, I'm going to share what I wish I would've known along the way.

It might spark a conversation with your spouse. It could remove some guilt you've been carrying. It may encourage you to reassess some of your priorities. It might help you enjoy your stage instead of looking ahead too quickly.

As I thought about my approach, I decided I wanted to answer this question:

What I would tell myself at each stage of the past 13 years?

So here it is ...

Stage 1: Early Elementary

Pick a cadence and then show up to his school consistently. Be silly and talk with his friends. Everyone wins when parents are around the school.
Enjoy splitting a 12-count of Chick-fil-a nuggets between all your kids. One day, he'll eat a 12-count and a sandwich all by himself.
It's the first time, to get less time, so make the most of your actual time. Don't go to work early and stay late. Be home when he is.

Stage 2: Late Elementary

You have a short time where he looks at you like you're his hero. Even though you know you're deeply flawed, be the kind of parent he believes you to be.
It's ok to skip school and take a trip. Don't worry about absences; go to Disney when the crowds are low.
Be ready to explain harder life topics than you think. He witnesses bullying, divorce, racism, poverty, sexuality, favoritism, or injustice every week.

Stage 3: Middle School

It's the best of times and the worst of times. He will meet friends that will someday be his college roommates. You'll also have to explain the meaning of words that will make you blush, but you do it because he needs to hear it from you.
Buy him the clothes that he wants to fit in. Social status isn't the goal, but belonging begins to be more important than ever.
It's ok to be the "Final 25% Family" who doesn't hand him a cell phone like everyone else. You're protecting him now, but you need to be preparing him at the same time because he will have one soon.

Stage 4: Junior High

You will be awarded the "Endless Uber Driver" badge and shouldn't complain about it one bit. When he gets his car keys you'll realize how much you learned with hours in the car together.
Make sure you keep talking about everything... Friendships, Faith, Work Ethic, Sex, Identity, Sportsmanship, Media Messaging, Etc.
Things are changing fast in his world so be a steady and safe presence, even when he only speaks in caveman language.

Stage 5: High School

You'll wonder if you should make him get a job. The answer is yes. Don't mandate it, but strongly encourage and enable him to start working. There are so many good ways it will develop him.
When he makes terrible teenage decisions, love him hard. There is a parenting line between total restriction and no restraints. Healthy regulations at home are good, but he'll still learn the hard way.
Food is the master key that unlocks everything. Family time, being "that house" for his friends, and making him feel cared for.

No matter where your family currently finds itself, I am another voice who can confirm that it's surprising how quickly we got to this day.

If the first decade of parenting felt more like survival, the second has felt like an arrival. A simple goal of ours has been to raise kids who still love home when they leave.

So far, we seem to be headed that way.
Finley

Helping parents create a family and wealth that will last a lifetime.

After working as a pastor for 20 years, I am convinced that the most influential people in our entire culture are parents of 3-13 year olds. My wife and I were young parents and counted on the wisdom and stories of others to stay in the game. That's why this newsletter exists. In my role as an investment advisor today I know that wealth is not a number but a way of life. I believe that families should not be asset rich and relationally poor. If you want to talk more about how I can help your family with multi-generational investment planning, let's connect.

Finley Robinson · Investment Advisor

Power-Decade Parenting