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Family Friday Newsletter - 3.5 min read by: Finley Robinson

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A Single Sentence from a Season Ahead

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First, Pull The Weeds

My father loves to garden.... but I do not. Since we live next door to each other though, I am the beneficiary of his green thumb.

Gardening is a lot of ongoing work that I don't enjoy. There's something specific to do in every season and the cycle never ends. It's not complicated, it's just so tedious.

Pull the weeds. Water the plants. Fertilize the soil.
Pull the weeds. Remove dead plants & plant new ones.
Pull the weeds. Make sure everything gets enough sunlight.

Watching my dad garden over the years has taught me that beauty arrives on the other side of tedious effort.

The inner lives of your kids are a lot like a garden and you are their gardener. When I've talked with friends and other parents over the years, one of the most beautiful traits we hope to see someday in our kids is gratitude.

The reality is that beauty arrives on the other side of tedious effort.

In our home, we had a lot of weeds attitudes that needed to be pulled over time. Part of raising small humans is a frequent reminder that weeds and flowers always grow in the same place.

Where you want gratitude to grow, you must pull the weed of entitlement. Where you want thankfulness to grow, you must pull the weed of excess. Where you want contentment to grow, you must pull the weed of greed.

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8 Traits of Gratitude

As the calendar turns towards the end of the year, keep investing in the deep-down parts of your kids and keep planting seeds of gratitude.

It is likely that you will not see anything resembling gratitude for years and years. We certainly didn't. Keep at the tedious work. Here's how it will likely play out in your home ...

1. Gratitude rarely shows signs early on.

Much like vegetables to young kids, gratitude is an acquired taste. Most kids after the age of 4-5 enter into the me-monster stage and barely show signs of gratefulness until they are deep into their teen years.

Don't lose heart. Keep giving them opportunities in your life and family to practice it. Ask them to thank the waitress. Have them pick up all their toys and remember what they do have.

2. Gratitude is simple to observe.

When your kids witness you being grateful it is powerful. There is a difference though between planned gratitude and spontaneous gratitude.

Both have a place and help build the muscle, but when deep gratefulness arrives and you are moved emotionally, let it all hang out. My kids made fun of me when this happened, but I know it was important for them to see.

3. Gratitude requires significant repetition.

Teach kids to say thank you as early as possible. Yes, we were that family that used baby sign language and had our kids say thank you before they could even talk.

The more often you talk, teach, model, practice, expect, show, and develop gratitude in your kids, the deeper it will sink in.

4. Gratitude is an ongoing personal battle.

You and I don't stop growing weeds of entitlement and greed either. The only difference is that as we age, we've lived long enough to have more to be grateful for.

Telling family stories and your personal struggles with gratitude to your kids is a way to bring them into the process along with you.

5. Gratitude often requires a loss.

It is likely that your kids won't grasp the depths of gratitude until they experience some kind of personal loss. An injury that forces them to miss their favorite sports season. A close friend that moves away.

The disruption caused by a loss is what awakens kids to the blessings they have right in front of them. Helping to shepherd your kids through sadness often brings them closer to a place of deep gratitude.

6. Gratitude is at its worst on a vacation.

Many of my most angry moments as a dad came on a family vacation. The amount of planning and money spent was supposed to create simultaneous memories and gratitude in my kids, right?

There is something about the disease of more that is ever present on a family vacation. Years later, my kids are grateful for the trips we took, but their ungrateful attitudes at the time brought out the worst in me.

7. Gratitude usually increases with age.

Buckle up for ages 11-14. These are the peak entitlement years. It feels like all is lost and your kids will possibly never be grateful for anything they have been given. Give it time and practice grace in your home.​

8. Gratitude is taught best as a family value.

The best way we found to teach and infuse gratitude was to practice it together. We loved to say, "We are a grateful family because ..."

Something that isn't concrete for kids, like gratitude, is easier to grasp when you demonstrate it as a family. It's together that you help weed out entitlement and make room for gratitude to grow in your lives at home.

So, from my family to yours, I hope you have a great weekend, full of a life you are grateful for. See you next Friday ...

Finley

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