A Single Sentence from a Season AheadFamily trips often reveal one of the most under-appreciated qualities kids need from you as a parent... being clear with them.
Big ExpectationsWhen we were raising young kids, I'll admit that I had unrealistic expectations when we spent time together as a full family of 5. It happened in small doses when we ate dinner or worked on projects around the house together. But if I had abnormal sized dreams on a regular Thursday nights, they were exponentially higher when went on family vacations. I have been accused by my wife of being too much like Jack Pearson, the protagonist father on the NBC show This Is Us. I romanticized family time at an unhealthy level and forced high expectations that made the moments worse. I mean, what's wrong with wanting everyone to ...
That's reasonable, right? At least it should be on vacation when we're spending money that we've been saving the whole year to enjoy together! About 10 years into raising kids, after lots of missed expectations on my end, someone shared a transformative idea with me. It was helpful in framing my big family experiences ever since. Trips vs VacationsAs you stare down summer, it's likely that you have big expectations for the family trips you are about to take. Whether it's the annual lake house visit or you're finally taking the kids to the big city, you're hopeful for deep connections and epic memories. As a parent, you need to have different expectations as a family for your trips vs your vacations. I couple of years ago I had contrasting text exchanges with my sister and my best friend in the same week. I was texting my sister about her current trip to Colorado with her husband and three kids all under 10 years old. She said, "Maybe we aren't 12 hour people. I think we are 2 hour trip people... parenting is freaking hard." At the same time I was texting my friend who was taking a vacation to Nashville with his wife and another couple friend. They ate at incredible restaurants and went to several great shows. Acknowledging what type of family experience you are dialing up is important, especially in your power-decade season of parenting. I wish that when my kids were younger I had been ok with family trips that centered more around my kid's pace and interests. I needed to lower my expectations about how unique or special every moment needed to be. Here's a helpful framework that we learned:
It's ok to dream big this summer and have great experiences as a family, but don't ruin it like I did too often. I was stressed because I wanted to make it all wonderful, like I pictured it in my head. Enjoy your kids this summer. Let them have their highs & lows. They won't ever be at this stage again. Tears will still happen, even for the parents sometimes too. Know that if you're going on a trip, you will still be serving your family, making decisions and navigating a lot. Another time, take a vacation for yourself, because you're gonna need it! If you're traveling this month, I'd love to know what you have planned. If you have 1 minute to reply back with your family trip plans, I'd love it. We're headed to Florida the week before school starts and I already can't wait. See you next Friday,
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Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
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