Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
Family Friday: Why Is It Called Tough Love?
A Single Sentence from a Season AheadParents Understand Tough LoveAwhile back, a viral video from TikTok made its way to my FYP (my kids tell me that means For You Page) and it stopped me cold. It was of a first-time mother horse and her foal. I had no idea how powerful and deep her maternal instincts were and it was the perfect example how parents understand tough love. In the video, the mother is gently pushing her young foal toward the electric fence. Meanwhile, the owners are standing close by filming and watching the mare be a mom. She nudged the foal towards it. The mom was actively pushing her child towards a live wire that would cause her shock, discomfort, and pain. Why? Was she doing it with force or aggression? Nope, she was careful. She was helping her foal learn a necessary future lesson. Being a horse on that farm meant that there was total freedom inside the fence. However, the foal would someday want more, so there was a limit that needed to be taught. That's what parents do for their kids, we teach from our pool of experience and wisdom. We know it's better to learn earlier than later. Sometimes it's going to be uncomfortable for them, but also for you too! However, parents teach the hard things to prevent worse things from happening later. Good & Brave Parents Push You can see past your kid's current POV, and while they won't like it or expect it, they still need your push into the fence at times.
Until one day, they've accumulated enough fundamental lessons they can safely learn on their own. The Outcomes > The Alternative It hurts to push your kids into challenges, but life is full of them. It is hard to put a child in time-out, but if you don't they won't understand that their actions have consequences. Taking kids into big adult settings (church, weddings, baby showers, full airplanes, nice restaurants) is difficult. They need it though because they will learn from it, so take more situational risks. The alternative is to either a) shield them from the electric fences or b) let them learn without you by their side. See the Future for Them How would you like for the following to be mostly true for your kids? (I say mostly because everyone is always a work in progress). 3yr old: not hitting others If the odd years are the hopeful result, then the even years are the painstaking push. I can promise you that your kids won't learn lessons if you don't help them. Being a mom or dad feels like 2 steps forward and then 5 steps back. It felt like that for a decade for us. One day though you'll wake up and realize they've taken 20 steps at once. You'll know it was worth it. Don't measure the backward steps. Focus on the forward. Your kids can't see what they need but keep nudging, gently pushing, and ushering them forward. If it's not uncomfortable for you both at times, then you need to show some more tough love. That is how you warn them, love them, and prepare them. Win their heart, coach them hard, then release them into the wild. See you next Friday, PS. Thanks for forwarding this email along to any other friends who are power-decade parents like yourself who'd like to read along each Friday too. |
Power-Decade Parenting
Helping propel moms & dads of 3 to 13 year-olds to invest in their power-decade of parenting. Father of 3 teenagers and pastor of 20 years turned digital writer.
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