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Family Friday Newsletter - 2.5 min read by: Finley Robinson

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A Single Sentence from a Season Ahead

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Two Lies & A Truth

The mental battle of being a mom and dad is every bit the struggle that the physical side is.

First, there are the daily decisions you are making as a parent.

What is everyone going to eat?
Have they had too much screen time already?
How do we get everyone where they need to go on time?

There is also a secondary (deeper) mental battle that you face as well.

Am I doing this parenting thing right? What am I getting wrong, even though I promised myself I'd do better?

I've lived with these questions for 20 years now and at this point I don't think it's ever leaving. When I talk with older and wiser parents whom I admire, they've confirmed it will always be present.

We live in a college town and were privileged to take our kids to a lot of Arkansas Razorback games over the years. We have passionate fans and most football, basketball, and baseball games have sell-out crowds.

At the end of every game, there are thousands of people leaving at the same time. As I exit, somehow I always feel like I'm walking in the wrong direction. The flow of traffic is headed one way and I'm holding onto my kid's hands for dear life as we fight our way against the crowd.

That is what the secret mental battle of being a parent is like. The self-doubt that is constantly like walking into the flow of traffic.

I've found there are two common lies that most parents come face to face with over time. Living with these lies makes it feel like you're in a consistent state of mental pushback as a parent. Here they are...

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Lie #1

I need to fix all the dysfunctional family problems I grew up with.

This is parenting because of fear. You feel pressure to right all the wrongs you grew up with. All the things problems you believe your parents caused in you or for you, there is a deep desire to fix.

This results in a parenting approach that allows defeating dysfunction to be the driving force in your family. It's not healthy.

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Lie #2

I need to reproduce all the amazing ideals from the family I grew up with.

This is parenting because of performance. You feel the pressure to live up to a family version of near-perfection that is crushing. Allowing only the best moments to give your parenting validation ignores the everyday challenges you face.

This results in an exhausted family and strips joy away from the mundane, which is what most days are. It's not healthy either.

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The Truth

I need to create my own healthy family that stays connected in each new season we experience together.

Parenting to "fix the past" or to "perform for an ideal" is a sad way to live. I know because I've tried both.

Instead, create a family that connects. Raise kids who are friends with each other. Allow each season to stand on its own and build confidence in your kids.

Get rid of your parenting scale and give your family name power.

I hope you'll feel some relief from the deeper mental load you carry as a mom or a dad. If you've ever parented from a place of one of these lies, I'd love to know. You can always reply back and share how you've felt their effects in your family.

See you next Friday - Finley

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